June 9th, 2006 | by Sasha White |
I tend to be a person who moves around a lot, and changes jobs often. I get bored with life, or lonely because I’m single and if I keep moving or doing new things, being single isn’t so bad. Now, it’s important that you know I’m single because I choose to be. I could have aboyfriend if I wanted, but he wouldn’t be a guy that made my heart pound or my insides melt. It would just be someone to spend time with. At times I think I’m willing to settle for that, at others, I want what I write about. I want a man that can get a reaction out of me. I want someone who makes my heart kick in my chest and my body eager.
But it’s hard to find. It brings to mind that maybe not everyone has a partner, or mate out there. Maybe for some people HEA is being on their own, being independant, and doing what they really want to do.
I think that’s why in a lot of my stories I don’t put a HEA (Happy Ever After) . I’m fond of happy right now because it seems more realistic. Do readers want reality in their stories? I think if it’s sone right, then there can be the perfect blend of reality and fantasy. I do think HEA is possible, but not always in the space of the story told. Sometimes a sequel is needed, somethign that shows that life, and romance and relationships son’t always fall into the pattern of storytelling. That in life there is more than one conflict, and more than one happy ending before you reach the HEA.
What do you think?
I do not believe that a person’s HEA can only happen if there is a “mate” in their life. I too believe that HEA is dependant upon the person and that person’s idea of HEA. I believe that HEA is possible with a husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, roomate, dog, cat or alone. I believe HEA is created by the person.
by Anonymous · June 9th, 2006 at 4:41 pmI personally, am living my HEA, I do not believe that my life could possibly get more Happily Ever After than it is right now, and for that I am TRULY BLESSED and TRULY GREATFUL. I have a husband, who does in fact make my heart go “boom” and my insides melt, he can do it with a touch, a look, a certain tone in his voice. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I have found and am living my own HEA, and I congratulate anyone who is living their HEA, whether it be with someone, or alone. Only you can make your own Happy Ever After, and I wish everyone just that.
Thank You.
I wish it for everyone too. I’m just not sure exactly what my HEA is just yet. LOL
by Sasha White · June 9th, 2006 at 6:02 pmI totally agree with anonymous. I think people do create their HEAs but I also believe in soulmates. I’m complicated, lol. But it does depend on the person. Great blog, Sasha.
by Nicole · June 9th, 2006 at 7:42 pmIf the book is being sold as a romance (erotic or otherwise) I want it to have a HEA.
In general though, I don’t need a HEA in the books I read. I read many genres and it just doesn’t make sense for all of them to have a HEA. (They have to have an ending that makes sense for the story though. Don’t be leaving me hanging (without the promise of a follow up story) unless you want me tossing the book at the wall and saying some very un-innocent words LOL
I hope that makes sense
*btw Sasha I love the picture you have there!
by Erin the Innocent · June 10th, 2006 at 12:03 amWhat you consider real life and what I consider real life can be and probably are 2 different things. Attitude has alot to do with moods and feelings. I’m not saying that you can’t be in a bad mood but I am saying that you have to change something if you aren’t happy for the most part. I have been married going on 26 years and I have to say that I consider my marriage today amongst the happiest of my time with my DH. I have learned that you have to say what you feel because he isn’t wired the way I’m wired. When I think my marriage needs an overhaul I have to look in the mirror first and ask myself what am I willing to do to make it better? When I was younger it was always him that had to change or make the sacrifice.
You can be happy single/married/divorced/separated whatever – if you are not happy –what are you going to do to change it? That may not be easy, but with the support of family and friends – you can do anything you set your mind to.
I love living a part of my secret life through you Sasha. Any new men you want to talk about? Old men? Come on, out with it!
by debbiee · June 10th, 2006 at 12:50 amI’m quite happy being single. I personally am not willing to settle for less than what I want from a man. Does that mean I want/ expect himtobe perfect? No.
It does mean I want him to want Me for me. And that he has to be someoen I cna envision a future with.
Debbie, Nope nothing new right now. Maybe in a bit, on my regular blog.:)
by Sasha White · June 10th, 2006 at 1:58 pmI think part of reading a romance is wanting the romance…so yes, I want the couple to end up together, though I’ve got to admit, marriage, kids, and a dog seem like a strech if its a novella. I’m contented knowing the couple is together…giving it a shot…in love or FALLING in love…
What I wouldn’t care for is a couple going its seperate way..but then…that’s not romance, it’s erotica.
Sasha, in today’s world, more and more women chose to be single…helll THEY CAN…why not? In the past, women needed to marry as much as they wanted to. The divorce rates are way to high…I don’t think you should get married unless it is that guy that makes your heart kick in your chest…even after two years of dating. And no, definitly not easy to come by!
by Alyssa · June 10th, 2006 at 2:06 pmWell, it depends on what your story is supposed to be: women’s fiction/erotica, romance, mystery, something else? If it’s a romance, then it definitely should have an HEA, not necessarily a marriage-and-kids HEA, but still one where the H/H are together with the expectation that they’ll continue to be together in the future. Not to have one would be like a mystery where the crime isn’t solved by the end. Sure, there are lots of crimes that go unsolved in Real Life, but that isn’t why the mystery reader bought the book.
In the same way, a romance reader expects to read the development of a successful romance. If the hero turns out to be a louse and she throws him off in the end, I’d say that’s chick-lit or women’s fiction, not a romance. If that happens in what’s supposed to be an erotic romance, then I’d say that’s erotica.
If you don’t want your romantic leads to have an HEA, just don’t market/sell the story as a romance. I think it’s simple enough. There are audiences for other genres.
by Kathleen Dante · June 10th, 2006 at 3:07 pmFWIW I think the term HEA should be outlawed………
Happiness is fleeting. You can’t pin your happiness on another person (I’m probably preaching to the choir here). YOU are responsible for your happiness. YOU are responsible for your degree of contentment.
Like you I won’t settle for less than what I deserve. But I have a good life, I’m living my happy ending. It’s not perfect but marriage isn’t perfect either). I’m content and that works for me.
by Amie Stuart · June 10th, 2006 at 4:45 pmI am like many others in that I believe everyone has their own HEA and it may or may not include love, romance, wedding bells, a significant other, etc. Like Anonymous I am lucky to be living my HEA. It took years of hard work, dedication, emotional trauma, physical trauma and many other ups and downs, but I have reached it. My HEA happens to include love, romance and family, but it also means I am happy with myself, my career choice, my emotional well being…
As for do I want that HEA in a book…it really depends on my mood. I do admit that 75% of what I read includes the romance angle, but when it comes to movies and tv I prefer the action plot and I could care less if their is romance involved. With either media type, the biggest thing for me is to know what I am getting going in–if the story or movie has an HEA that is packed with hearts and flowers, or just an HEA where the entire planet lived happily ever after (at least for that day) because the earth was saved I want to know what to expect going in. I can deal with movies that are packaged as romance and end with one or more of the partners dying, but I really don’t want to see that in a book. As for my own books, I do write HEAs that end in a relationship or a sign that the couple (or threesome *G*) will continue to see each other, but it’s only because I haven’t yet thought up a plot without that strong romance HEA angle that I love enough to write about.
by Jodi Lynn Copeland · June 11th, 2006 at 8:44 pmI agree with you Cece, and Jodi. HEA is different for everyone, so I don’t think it’s a term that can be used so genrically anymore.
Like Alyssa says, so many people are choosing thier own HEA’s nowdays, and it’s not always with a partner.
by Sasha White · June 12th, 2006 at 2:32 amGood post, Sasha. I agree with what’s already said — that we all make our own HEA’s. And being single and enjoying the freedom that you mention, I’m happy to live in a time where women are able to create our own HEAs, whether it’s marriage and children, or one that veers away from the traditional.
There’s been a lot of discussion lately about HEAs and romance. I’m in the “satisfying ending” camp, in that there has to be a hint that the hero/heroine will be seeing each other beyond the end of the book and seeking a committed relationship.
I think we each bring our own subjectivity into what is a HEA, based on our life experiences or what we’d like our experience to be like. For example, since children do not fit into my ideal of a HEA for my real life, when a romance ends with the couple ready to get married after a mere 300+ pages or a mandatory epilogue with them smiling down on a firstborn, well, there is a bit of eyerolling on my part. It takes a bit longer than the timespan in most 300+ page books for a couple to decide on marriage. And the addition of children in a marriage does not always make a relationship better. Obviously, romance is not real life but … in these instances, reality intrudes and I can’t suspend disbelief.
by Rachelle Chase · June 15th, 2006 at 3:03 pmHey Rachelle!
Us single women need to stick together. LOL
by Sasha White · June 16th, 2006 at 4:55 am