November 8th, 2008 | by Lucinda Betts |
I love double entendres. I love clever bumper stickers. I really love headlines that are open to interpretation. Here are some of my favorites:
1. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
4. Drunks Get Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
6. Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?
7. Would-be Women Priests Appeal to Pope
8. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
9. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
10. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
11. Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
12. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
13. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
14. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
15. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
16. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Line
17. War Dims Hope for Peace
18. If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
19. Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
20. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
21. New Study of Obesity Looks for Large Test Group
22. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space
23. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
24. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
25. Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
I mean, don’t you feel sorry for the high school dropouts in #23? And isn’t the tree in #15 clever?
Want to win a copy of my November release? I only have one copy left. Go ahead and find an ambiguous headline from the news. I bet there are some good political ones lurking just beneath the surface. Or make one up, I don’t care. Post it as a comment, and your might win a copy of my November release, RUNNING WILD!
November release
Due to recent cutbacks,the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off until further notice.
by Kim · November 8th, 2008 at 12:21 pmI love #1! And I love Kim’s!
I’m not creative enough to write one this early in the morning, but I’ll try later! I promise!
by Shelli Stevens · November 8th, 2008 at 1:51 pmI’m not entering the contest, m’dear. Just thanking you for a wonderful start to my Saturday morning! However, I feel sorry for those poor drunks…how many of them are stuffed in that violin case? Could get really uncomfortable…and I bet the dropout rate in THAT high school has improved!
by Kate Douglas · November 8th, 2008 at 1:52 pmHi there! I’m not entering the contest, but had to chime in. I’m still loving the Typhoon rips through the cemetery; hundreds dead…LOL!
Cassie
by Cassie Ryan · November 8th, 2008 at 2:17 pmOh the headlines are great, let’s see if I can come up with a new one. But I am not very creative, so I found this one on CNN
Democrats jockeying for top Obama posts.
Is it just me, as non-native speaker or is it a strange word choice? Jockeying? They a riding for the posts? And what or who are they riding?
by Danny · November 8th, 2008 at 2:36 pmThose are great! My favorite is “Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over.”
Here’s one that I enjoyed:
by Cynthya · November 8th, 2008 at 2:54 pmQueen Mary Having Bottom Scraped
LOL! Not entering, but thanks for all the giggles!
And I know that the checkout line is long at our supermarket, but 18 years takes the cake! I think my ice cream would have melted long ago!
by Fedora · November 8th, 2008 at 7:47 pmI couldn’t think of one, so I googled one. Here is one I found.
Report Shows Need For Paper Cuts
North Wales Weekly News 30 December 05
Police Grill Murder Suspect
- Queensland Times 26 April 2006
Thanks for the great post!
by Amy S. · November 8th, 2008 at 9:30 pmThis isn’t so much a headline as a name of a hair salon. There’s a vampire in a series I read that owns and runs a hair/beauty salon. In the book it’s named is something else, but I always thought due to the nature of the owner it should have been named — “Curl Up and Dye”
Ja’niece
by Ja'niece · November 8th, 2008 at 10:18 pmInteresting headline I found: “Parrot Tattles on Cheating Lover”….Great Post and Contest =)
by Casey Baker · November 8th, 2008 at 11:31 pmHow about this one?
“Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden”
by Stacie Mc · November 8th, 2008 at 11:54 pmI love the list and those from the comments! Definately passing these on for laughs.
It’s not “an ambiguous headline from the news”, but I have to share this: I remember this reading from Reader’s Digest a looong time ago (abt ten years?) that someone saw this sign on the outside of a photostudio — “Shoot your kids and frame the grandparents. ”
Love the cover for Running Wild!
by Fancy · November 9th, 2008 at 12:26 amHi Lucinda – I’m not entering the contest but wanted to say these were great! Thanks for getting my morning started with a chuckle.
Best,
by Rachelle Chase · November 9th, 2008 at 8:49 amRachelle
We never touch a person, ever so lightly that we never leave a trace.
by Debi · November 9th, 2008 at 11:19 amWant a girlfriend? Help Can Be In Your Palm. (Taken from a Jay Leno show where he shows funny headlines.)
by Karin · November 9th, 2008 at 11:34 amLots of laughs!
Found on the internet:
Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung
Best,
by Jamie Coody · November 9th, 2008 at 1:08 pmJamie
Wow,
by Marie-Claude Bourque · November 9th, 2008 at 1:22 pmThis is too funny.
I’m not that clever to make something up here, but you had me laughing this morning
It is great to get a good laugh to start the day. Had to google for something suitable.
Great Tits Cope Well With Warming
by Little Lamb Lost · November 9th, 2008 at 1:31 pmI love to laugh! Do blonde dogs have more fun than brunet dogs!!
by Lisa · November 9th, 2008 at 2:01 pm“Whenever in doubt, blame it on the cows”
by THE KINESCOPE KORNER · November 9th, 2008 at 2:06 pm(That’s why they invented Hamburgers!!)
Man with gunshot to mouth seeks help at business,but will not talk!
by Kim · November 9th, 2008 at 2:06 pmLMAO…This is too much fun…thanks Lucinda!!
by Kim · November 9th, 2008 at 2:09 pm“Whenever in doubt, blame it on the cows’
(That’s why they invented Hamburgers!!)
I don’t know if this one went through as I had a problem on my end! This is a lot of fun and everyone can use a good laugh!!!!
by THE KINESCOPE KORNER · November 9th, 2008 at 2:15 pmJust a quick note to let everyone know that I’ll pick a winner tomorrow. Be sure and check back!
by Lucinda Betts · November 9th, 2008 at 4:47 pmIm not sure i this is what you are asking for but I saw one on the back of a car.
by Tena · November 9th, 2008 at 11:39 pmI know my ass is pretty but do you have to ride so close
I hope this is ok Id liked to be in the contest
by tara · November 10th, 2008 at 12:05 amIf you can read this then you are to close to me so get off my ass
wow those are funny Id like to be in the contest
by shirley · November 10th, 2008 at 12:13 amMENtal anxiety
MENtal breakdown
MENstrual cramps
MENopause….
Did you ever notice how all our problems begin with MEN
I found another funny
by tena · November 10th, 2008 at 12:15 amIm only speeding because I really have to poop
Here is mine:
“Save a Horse & Ride a Cowboy”
Chris J.
by Chris J. · November 10th, 2008 at 6:11 am“Never Frown,Even When Your Sad, Because You Never Know Who Is Falling In Love With Your Smile!!”
So true! -Elora-
by Elora · November 10th, 2008 at 10:19 amLOL..this is a real headline I found…….Bladder control causes Sunset Beach flooding!
by Kim · November 10th, 2008 at 1:09 pmAnd the winners are….
ELORA, who won first place via a random number generator. Send your mailing address to me at:
lucindabetts77@yahoo.com
and I’ll send you an autographed copy of RUNNING WILD.
KIM won second place. I’ll send you a copy of SHE! Send me a your address and I’ll mail you the book.
Best,
by Lucinda Betts · November 10th, 2008 at 11:41 pmLucinda
Big congrats Elora and Kim
by Danny · November 13th, 2008 at 5:02 amI can’t think of anything as clever as the ones already posted. I’m enjoying a good laugh, though.
by Sandra Kay · November 15th, 2008 at 12:53 pmOne of my favorites is one my dad told me (not sure if he made it up or not but its cute)
I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe
(lol btw love that light at the end of the tunnel one
)
by Jen Drake · November 15th, 2008 at 6:50 pmLMAO..I love that Jen…what I feel like alot of times!! You will have to tell your dad thanks. I keep coming back here when Im feelin’ a little bluesy and always makes me laugh. Thank you so much for this Lucinda!
by Kim · November 15th, 2008 at 7:02 pmOk,ok I know this has been over but had to share. This is sick but funnier than hell too. “Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake”.
by Kim · November 16th, 2008 at 10:06 amDouble entendre…
How about…
“Sex… Do it for the kids.”
It’s one of my faves. :O)
-Beck
by Beck Northrop · November 17th, 2008 at 12:23 amCouldn’t Think Of One On My Own~~Saw This On A Bumper Sticker~~~If You Are Reading This,You’re Too Close…GET OFF MY ASS!
by Robin Ross · December 8th, 2008 at 6:16 pm