February 27th, 2009 | by Shelli Stevens |
We’ve all done it. Or at least a good amount of us have. What am I talking about? Well, morphing ourselves and our activities to fit in with someone we like. Have a crush on. Want to get horizontal with until we forget how to walk. In my newest release Tempting Adam, my hero even does it. He’s a man’s man. Almost a cowboy. And what’s the first thing he does to get the girl he wants? Signs up for salsa dancing lessons!
And I’m totally guilty of doing it too. Though I have to admit I was pretty young (early 20′s) and pretty flexible in my ways. If you know me, I’m a bit of a happy, perky, Pollyanna type. I even had a favorite t-shirt that read: I’m just one big fucking ray of sunshine. It was yellow with a big retro sunshine on it. Maybe it was supposed to be sarcastic….hmm. 
So, back to my story. Here I am, miss cheerful, and I fell for…a goth boy. Total vampire wannabe, sulking, mysterious. Oooh and how I wanted him.
And the bizarre thing? He seemed to want me to. But, alas, I was the one who ‘adapted’ to make us a better fit. I started wearing more black. Started drinking brandy from a sifter (it was his thing)–I remember I gagged.
And the thing that stuck out the most, was when we went to buy some clothes. I brought some of my friends, too. We all went out and bought black, vinyl style club wear that was a bit slutty goth. Totally hot. And the makeup? That was the fun part. Dark eyeliner and eyeshadow and dark red/purple/blackish lipstick. So not me, but so fun.
But before goth boy and I could become a cute little goth couple, or I could dye my hair black and burn all my pink tops, it ended.
So how about you? What have you done in your lifetime to make yourself more ‘perfect’ for someone of the opposite sex. I want to hear all your stories! No matter how funny, pathetic, horrifying, or dull. Please, share!
Shelli 
Nope, not that I can recall. And seriously, the amount of money would I have paid to see you as a goth girl? Did you listen to Jack Off Jill and write bad poetry about how only death could stop your anguish? Hehe.
by Emma · February 27th, 2009 at 1:02 amLOL I don’t think I took any pictures. It was like a blip on the radar of my life. But I remember staring in the mirror that night with my dark makeup. Good times.
Hmm. Bad poetry. No but I wrote a really bad poem after I lost my virginity. Comparing it to an old teddy bear. Yeah. I’m brilliant.
by Shelli Stevens · February 27th, 2009 at 1:40 am
Like you I was young, but I’m quite shy (still am. Well…..) Anyway, mine went much further than yours, I actually became engaged to “it”. He was a bad boy biker. Loud Harley, leather jacket and chaps, tattoos and scruffy looking. Me? Well sure, I can live in a pair of broken in faded jeans, but the rest is very girlie and feminine. There is no such thing as a feminine biker chick. Go to a biker rally, a REAL biker rally, and you’ll see what I mean.
by C. Casey · February 27th, 2009 at 1:31 pmI changed everything. My hair, my makeup, clothes, likes and dislikes….everything. All to make it fit. I remember one time he told me we were going to a birthday party for a friend of his (this is when we were first starting to date). He told me, yes TOLD me, to dress appropriately, NO PINK!! I thought to myself, “Fine. No pink. I’ll show you how to dress ‘appropriately.’”
He picked me up and I was wearing tall leather boots, skin tight (painted on look) white with black tiger stripes pants (leggings?), a black skin tight backless top that zipped up the front and had studs on the collar. His jaw dropped.
I’m glad I figured out I didn’t like who I had become before we got married. I lost my sense of self, who I was. Never again.
I’ve always understood that you can’t change a man’s mind on what’s “right” for him. (and I don’t mean what’s right now…cos we’re women and we know they’ll always take what right … now)
But you can’t change the type of woman that catches a man’s eye. Tall blondes appeal more to some men…while short brunettes get the looks from other men.
So if a guy didn’t respond to my glances, I just figured I wasn’t the “type” that caught his eye and I moved on.
So, no, I never changed anything for anyone. I would hang out with his friends though, now that I think of it. Does that count as a change or a natural progression toward getting to know someone?
You can’t know a person without knowing their friends, so I think hanging out with his friends doesn’t count as a change…not like going Goth or preppy or whatever.
Good topic, Shelli!
by Bonnie Edwards · February 27th, 2009 at 3:55 pmBonnie
I haven’t. If someone isn’t interested in me for who I am… them I’m really not interested in them.
by Nonny · February 27th, 2009 at 5:29 pmHumm. Well for me it was again when I was young. HS. I too tried to fit in with a guy. He loved to smoke. I tried it. I smoked for exactly one week! I hated it. I quit. He still stayed with me. That relationship lasted for one and a half years.
I have been known on occasion to smoke a cigar on special occasions… but there is something sexy about a cigar for me. I am not sure why that is…
So you didn’t like brandy eh Shelli? Have you tired it since or did you swear it off for good?
Hugs,
by Lacy Danes · February 27th, 2009 at 9:14 pmLacy.
Sheesh…I’m the real idiot in the group, because I married the one that made me change! (Lasted less than a year–I call it my training marriage
) I was a happy little hippie chick in the late sixties and he wanted classy in nylons and heels, with the perfect makeup and hair. I did it all and hated myself–and him. That wasn’t the main reason I walked out, but it taught me a huge lesson (hence: Training Marriage) that, as Popeye says, I yam what I yam.
by Kate Douglas · February 28th, 2009 at 11:58 amCasey, that’s kind of awesome though. What great insight you have know for putting that in a book
Bonnie and Nonny, that’s very true. But sometimes, we just wanna give it that extra little nudge. LOL. Usually no one lasts in these relationships!
Lacy, I would smoke the occasional cigar up until about six years ago. I met one of my guys that way. Went up to a party, saw him (never met him before that) plucked his cigar from him and took a hit. Or whatever you call it. LOL.
OMG, Kate, I love that you were a happy little hippie chick!
by Shelli Stevens · March 1st, 2009 at 8:20 pmSorry all, I meant to say I would have replied earlier but I was out of town without internet!
Thanks to everyone who commented!
by Shelli Stevens · March 1st, 2009 at 8:21 pm