May 28th, 2009 | by Elizabeth Amber |
I posted this blog on Lust In Time a while back, where it sparked an interesting conversation that was sometimes funny, sometimes poignant. I’m fascinated by stories of how relationships begin and end, so in hopes of sparking more thoughts on this topic, here’s my story first . . .
Marilyn Monroe, JFK Jr., Jimi Hendrix, Princess Diana, my first love. I lost each of them too soon. They fascinated me. They still do. Forever young, energetic, beautiful, unobtainable.
That’s how I’d describe my first love. Long story short, we dated senior year in high school for five months. I loved him. More than he loved me. We went to different colleges and he met someone else. I shed a lot of tears over that guy. He was fun, funny, tall, muscular, cute, classy, smart, and had a fantastic family that was wealthier than mine. I’ll never forget him.
And that’s a good thing.
Through him, I first learned the piercing joy of loving. I learned the intense, debilitating pain of losing a love I’m desperate to keep, yet sense is slipping away. The highs and lows of that relationship are chiseled on my heart. His loss was a wound, then a bruise. But it never quite healed.
And that’s a good thing.
I never thought I would thank my first love. I thought I’d hate him forever. But he’s a part of me that helps me write characters with deep emotions. I use all that pain and desperation; all the volatility of my time with him, in my romance writing.
So, Stephen, wherever you are, thank you for loving me. For leaving me. I’ve written four romance novels, and you helped with every one. Yes, I still remember you. What? You’re unhappy? You’re sorry you didn’t realize how great I was? You’re miserable now and curse the day you left me? Your wife divorced you, you’re broke, and you’re impotent?
Oh, sorry to hear that.
I think I prefer to remember you the way you were—forever young, energetic, beautiful, unobtainable. A heartbreaker.
Do you remember your first love? Are you glad/sorry you ever met him? What were the good and bad things that you took from the relationship? Do you know where he is now? Do you want to? Leave a comment for a chance to win a copy of Dominic, The Lords of Satyr (or Nicholas if you prefer). I’ll post a winner in the comments on Tuesday.
~ Elizabeth Amber
Nicholas | Raine | Lyon | Dominic : The Lords of Satyr series
Coming in 2010: Dane
erotic historical paranormal romance
Kensington Aphrodisia
www.elizabethamber.com
Hi Elizabeth,
I think everyone remembers their first love with some sort of fondness (time heals). I learned alot about myself with my first love. I think that is what a healthy relationship gives you, a better understanding of who you are and want you want in a life partner. For that reason alone every failure hopefully gets you closer to finding the love you want/need.
I don’t know where he is now, but last I heard he was married and expecting their first child, and I wish him only the best.
BTW I would love to win Dominic!!!!!
by Booklover1335 · May 28th, 2009 at 7:53 amHi Elizabeth, I absolutely loved reading Nicholas’s story. I havent had the chance to read the others but I defintely plan to. I do remember my first love and no I dont remember the relationship with fondness. I dont know where he is now and I am just fine with that. Have a great day and I would love to win Dominic. Thanks for the chance to.
by sara hurt · May 28th, 2009 at 8:10 amMy first love was a man who belonged to my church. I was 11 years old, I thought he was my SOULMATE! He was about 22 or 23, I think. He was always so kind to everyone, volunteering for projects and funraisers at church. He knew I had a crush on him and would be extra nice to me.
by Mari · May 28th, 2009 at 11:05 amI was convinced that one day we would be married.
The highlight of our “relationship” was when I asked my Mom to ask him if he would dance with me at a social at church. I was on cloud nine as we danced “the Twist”. I felt like it was our destiny to be together!
Then my house of card came crashing down! Later it was announced in our bulletin that he was getting married! I was crushed! I couln’t believe that he was going to marry another girl!
I recall giving her thinly veiled dirty looks….I was a woman scorned!
Fast forward to today…yes, he and his wife still attend our church and sometimes we do have a chuckle over our “love affair”!!!!
I’ll always love John, my first real boyfriend. As my Pastor’s son, I’d known him all my life. When the spark hit (unfortunately between break-ups with girlfriend June) we went out, attended Prom, he visited me at college. Yes, the pain of being dumped seemed end-of-the-world. But I grew and I loved again. He’s still in my heart even after his death at age 51 and I can cling to memories or do what I did…Honor our love, but truly embrace the happiness my husband Richard has given me. I appreciate your reminding me of what I have today.
by Nancy Lee Badger · May 28th, 2009 at 11:11 amHi Elizabeth,
Hope you are well. My 1st love was a guy that did Elvis impersonations. My mother is an Elvis freak and always has been. She joined The Memories of Elvis Fan Club and we went to one of their picnics.
There he was performing. He blew me away. To be 14 or so, he was really good. We got to be good friends but our “love affair” was one sided. I still think about him now and then and wonder how he’s doing and if he is married or has any kids. I even looked him up on anywho, facebook and myspace to see if I could find him recently (just to check on him – you know).
If you pick me, I would like Nicholas book. I borrowed Katie’s when I read them and I have Dominic’s (which is fantastic).
Can’t wait for Danes book to come out. Mippy is on several of the same message boards I am.
by heather Brewer · May 28th, 2009 at 1:54 pmI do remember my first love… He was much older and wasn’t very nice to me, but I was so very much in love! I still remember that feeling, although it’s 30 years ago… I’ve seen him now and then, and when I know what he did to me and other girls I feel sorry for his wife and I’m so happy for my wonderful, faithful husband!!
by Eva S · May 28th, 2009 at 2:28 pmI can very well remember my first love, because I’m still with him. He was the first man I ever started dating and after almost 9 years we are still together. Of course I did have some crushes before him, but I can honestly say my hubby is the only man I’ve ever really loved.
by Maija P. · May 28th, 2009 at 4:45 pmMy first love is sleeping in the bed next to me, lol. We met 35 years ago and are still together and crazy about it each other.
by Cathy M · May 28th, 2009 at 7:22 pmHi Booklover,
You made me think! It’s true that my first love and all the others after him helped give me an understanding of what I didn’t want. I think I instinctively knew what I did want, but I had to learn what I didn’t. I’m glad your first love was a healthy relationship. Thanks for dropping by!
Hi Sara,
)
I’m so glad you enjoyed Nicholas! When I wrote it, I was writing for myself, not worrying about whether it would get published. I’m curious about where my first love is, but I don’t really want to know. Here’s hoping that both of ours’ whereabouts remain mysteries!
Hi Mari,
I remember your story from Lust in Time. I can almost see this all taking place—you make it so vivid and so poignant. Doing the twist with an older crush. That’s so adorable. I’m glad it was a happy first crush for you! Thanks so much for visiting the blog today and sharing your story with us.
Hi Nancy,
by Elizabeth Amber · May 28th, 2009 at 9:36 pmThis is beautiful. Thanks for sharing it. The idea of being the in-between-breakup girlfriend who went to prom, then lost out to an old girlfriend is heartbreaking. I’m so glad you’re embracing happiness now—a lovely way to express that.
Heather!!!
I smiled the minute I read “Elvis impersonations.” That’s a truly great first love story. Small world that you know Mippy (and Katie!) xox
Hello Eva,
I’m so sorry your first love was unfaithful. Argh. Mine was too, in the end. Unfaithfulness is one of those traits I learned I didn’t want in future relationships. I’m glad you’re happy now and have a faithful guy. Me too. Thanks for visiting the blog!
Hi Maija,
I have a couple of friends who married their first loves from high school. I can’t imagine that because it took me over ten years to find my husband. I think I had to figure out what I wanted and get lucky enough to find it. Congratulations to you on nine happy years together!
Welcome, Cathy!
by Elizabeth Amber · May 28th, 2009 at 9:37 pmWow—35 years. Wonderful!!!
Hi ELizabeth,
I married my first love (we met in high school and have now been together for almost 9 years) but I have friends whom have lost their first loves, and I seen them grow from the experience. Then they we so upset and said they would never know love again. But as time passed they accepted the loss and realized that it made them better people. I am glad that this is the same for you. I know how a loss like this can make someone very bitter and you are too great a person for that to have happened.
by Krystal · May 28th, 2009 at 10:06 pmLOL BTW I would like to win Nicholas if picked.
by Krystal · May 28th, 2009 at 10:08 pmDo you remember your first love? Are you glad/sorry you ever met him? What were the good and bad things that you took from the relationship? Do you know where he is now? Do you want to?
I remember my first love fondly and am glad that I met him. He taught me to take more chances in life and taught me the heartache of goodbye…multiple times. He is likely at a street cafe, sipping a strong and sweet dripped coffee while watching the local people meander past in the tropical heat in Asia. A whimsical thought? Why no, he emailed me a bit ago. My first love became my husband. His work parts us often but happily he returns to me. Reunions are a wonderful thing.
by Little Lamb Lost · May 28th, 2009 at 10:27 pmHi Elizabeth!
by Caffey · May 28th, 2009 at 11:02 pmMy first love was a tough one. I was in my teens and I too fell more in love with him than he did with me, I really think so. I’m not sorry for it tho. It taught me so much about really listening, not just talking you know. I really think it did so much for me because next week will be our 26th anniversary with my hero that I met in college and we love to listen to each other and we never left anything unresolved. He’s a wonderful hero!!
My first love was a totally forbidden, shouldn’t have gone there thing, but did. We were friends first. And I fell way too hard. And when it ended, our friendship did too. Just one of those life lessons I s’pose.
I enjoyed your post, Elizabeth!
by Shelli Stevens · May 29th, 2009 at 12:18 amHi, Elizabeth! I remember your visit to LIT and this question–I guess I’m glad I met him in the context of the big picture. Knowing that each part of my past contributes to the person I am today, I’m thankful for that piece of it, but there were definitely parts I’m glad to not be living today
I don’t know where he is now, but might be able to find out if I wanted to. I’m OK with not knowing–I don’t feel a burning need to know.
by Fedora · May 29th, 2009 at 1:47 amYeah, he made me smile too Elizabeth.
I forgot to mention that I met him one weekend then my mom had him “perform” for my birthday the next weekend (I was in 7th grade). He performed for my birthday the next year.
by heather Brewer · May 29th, 2009 at 10:33 amHi Elizabeth,
I have one of those sappy stories where I’m still with (and now married to) my first love. We met just over 11 years ago in high school, that were in separate states, and ended up attending college together. We’ve grown together and now I love him more than ever.
See? Totally sappy!
by Katie S. · May 29th, 2009 at 12:29 pmHi Elizabeth,
by Carol L. · May 29th, 2009 at 4:40 pmI’m happy to hear that your first love has enabled you to give your characters their depths of emotion and some characteristics.
My first love I remeber now after many decades without that old twist and pull that crippled me emotionally in the only way a broken heart can when you’re 17. He as 21 and after a year of our dating and him saying he loved meand then he left for an older woman who was 21.. Other then that, he was a lot of fun, and really a nice guy. I often think of him and wish him well. Only because so many years have passed.
I’d love to win and read Nicholas.
Thansk for sharing Eliazabeth.
Carol L.
Hi Elizabeth,
by Annette · May 29th, 2009 at 6:33 pmYou ask if we remember our first loves and I happen to be one of the rare breed that finds it, loses it and gets it back. My husband Daune (yeah that is the way it is spelled) and I were high school sweethearts at 15 but after 8 months moved on to other people. Well, 13 years later, two divorces on my side and a stint in the Air Force on his we reunited at his sisters wedding. That weekend he decided he was going back to New York, quiting his job and moving back home to be with me. We have now been together again for 16 years and married for 11 years.
Hi Fedora,
Good to see you! That’s admirable of you to be able to see the big picture. I think I do that by now as well. It just took me some time. I could probably find my first love, too, but I’m okay with not knowing, too. I don’t want to know, and I think it’s because I do want to remember him as he was and what we had as it was.
Heather,
That’s so fun! I love that your mom’s an ‘Elvis freak.’ You could get a lot of mileage out of that if you ever include it in a novel. You have the inside scoop about what that’s all about. I once had a co-worker whose office was full of Elvis memorabilia. I went to an Elvis concert with her once shortly before he passed away. It was a hoot!
Hi Katie,
by Elizabeth Amber · May 30th, 2009 at 12:13 amAre you kidding? I LOVE happy endings. It’s at the core of why I read and write romance. Huge congratulations on 11 years! Thanks for coming by!
Hello Carol,
“Crippled” is an excellent word. I know exactly what you mean. My first-love debacle left me crippled for a while, too. I did have to smile at your mention of “an older woman who was 21.” Especially, since I could have a 21 year old daughter by now if I’d had kids. My guy was fun, like yours. It leaves a big hole when all that fun is gone. I’m glad you wish your guy well now though. Thanks so much for visiting today, Carol!
Hi Annette,
by Elizabeth Amber · May 30th, 2009 at 12:14 amWow, what a wonderful story of finding love a second time with the first guy! Congratulations on 16/11 years together! I’m going to pass your story on to a friend who has just re-met someone from 30 years ago. She’s smitten and I’ve been hopeful for her, but a little concerned too. Hugs, and thanks for sharing this.
Hi Krystal!
)
That’s so sweet of you. You’re right that I’m not bitter and I’m glad your friends weathered their lost-love experiences as well and were able to move on. It does seem like the end of the world at the time of the loss. I was young, and I can only hope I’d see such a love-loss from a more mature perspective now. Hoping I won’t ever be put to that test.
Little Lamb,
LOL—What a great build-up to your surprise that you’re with him now. Many congratulations, and here’s to reunions!!!
Wow, Caffey,
Another surprise ending! So you’re still in touch after 26 years—amazing. And I’m really glad to hear that it’s a good relationship for you. Hugs and thanks so much for stopping by.
Shelli!!
by Elizabeth Amber · May 30th, 2009 at 12:16 amThat’s sooo hard when a friendship begins to evolve into more and you’re not sure where it’s headed. Sometimes you have to take the leap though and hope. Sounds like this was a hard fall. The emotions probably inspire your writing from time to time though. A life lesson, like you said. Glad you’re ok now.
I loved your post (which is just below mine in case anyone missed it). It was such fun and I plan to play the game with my girlfriend this weekend as I mentioned. It’s the kind of thing that could go on and on with hilarious results.
My first love was a guy I met when I was in my last year of high school. We had met at my summer job. He was a year older than I and pretty cute. After we had bee dating awhile, I found out that he had wanted to date my older sister but she said no. We dated awhile longer, talked about getting married but ended up not. Then I was sad but now I am glad it turned out as it did. My hubby and I have been married for 25 years and have six kids.I think I was in love with love in high school.
by Sharon Karas · May 30th, 2009 at 10:38 pmI’m having trouble posting my comments. I’ve replied to everyone’s comments and I’m so sorry the comments don’t seem to be appearing! Argh.
by Elizabeth Amber · May 31st, 2009 at 1:08 amHi Krystal!
by Elizabeth Amber · May 31st, 2009 at 1:08 amThat’s so sweet of you. You’re right that I’m not bitter and I’m glad your friends weathered their lost-love experiences as well and were able to move on. It does seem like the end of the world at the time of the loss. I was young, and I can only hope I’d see such a love-loss from a more mature perspective now. Hoping I won’t ever be put to that test!
Little Lamb,
by Elizabeth Amber · May 31st, 2009 at 1:09 amLOL—What a great build-up to your surprise that you’re with him now. Many congratulations, and here’s to reunions!!!
Wow, Caffey,
Another surprise ending! So you’re still in touch after 26 years—amazing. And I’m really glad to hear that it’s a good relationship for you. Hugs and thanks so much for stopping by.
Shelli!!
by Elizabeth Amber · May 31st, 2009 at 1:10 amThat’s sooo hard when a friendship begins to evolve into more and you’re not sure where it’s headed. Sometimes you have to take the leap though and hope. Sounds like this was a hard fall. The emotions probably inspire your writing from time to time though. A life lesson, like you said. Glad you’re ok now.
I loved your post (which is just below mine in case anyone missed it). It was such fun and I plan to play the game with my girlfriend this weekend as I mentioned. ItE2s the kind of thing that could go on and on with hilarious results.
My first love I as well meet at chruch. He was there visiting his aunt and only there for a short time. We were the same age, so he spent most of his time with me and my friends. When he left I didn’t know if he would be coming back or not. He did but he was different. He was even badder then when he left. More trouble. I wanted that even more. He and I spent time together alone and it was great. Of course he left again. I left the chruch and lost touch with him. I went back to the church after 5 years and talked with his aunt only to find out he had gotten married, had a baby and got divorced. I never had any pictures of him except for the ones in my head. We never did anything but kiss. I don’t really think about him anymore. I think this is a good thing. I hope he is happy.
by Gina · May 31st, 2009 at 12:22 pmElizabeth, I found some of your posts in spam! I just approved one (the other looked like the same I think!)
by Shelli Stevens · May 31st, 2009 at 12:37 pmHi Sharon,
First off, congratulations on 25 years with your husband! I have an older sister, and you made me think about how I would’ve felt if someone had been interested in her, too. That never happened to me, though a very close girlfriend once married a guy I was dating. She and I didn’t speak for over a decade, but now we’re friends again. Thanks for sharing your story of first love!
Hi Gina,
I enjoyed your frankness in talking about your first love. I’ve been attracted to some bad boys in the past, too. What is it about those guys? I admire you for wishing him happiness. I can say I wish that for almost every guy I’ve ever dated. It just took time and distance after each break-up for me to reach that magnanimous state of mind. Thanks for posting!
Shelli!
by Elizabeth Amber · May 31st, 2009 at 8:18 pmWhen the original comments I made in response to others’ comments didn’t post, I tried to make the appear multiple times. Eventually, they did. Thanks for your help.
Congratulations, Annette! My bf Eva randomly chose your name to win either Dominic or Nicholas. Email me at elizabethamber1 at aol dot com with your preference.
Thank you to everyone who contributed to the discussion. I loved hearing your stories of first love. I could keep this going as a thread for years and never get tired of it.
Have a good week!
by Elizabeth Amber · June 2nd, 2009 at 3:08 am