Aphrodisia Authors :: Blog

It’s not my normal day to post, but Crystal Jordan is under a tight deadline, so I am filling in for her.

One of the things that’s been nagging me lately is that little monster I call “worry”. You know that Weight Watchers commercial with the little Orange creature called “Hungry”? Well, I have one of those, and his (and I am sure it’s a HE) is called Worry. I don’t know when worry moved in, but he’s been around a long time. The thing about Hungry is that he will back off if you feed him enough candy bars. Worry, however, never seems to stop nattering in my ear, nagging about this and that. I do my best to satisfy Worry, but somehow my efforts are never good enough. Worry keeps at me, poking and prodding until I just melt into a puddle of depression and stop responding. Some people are happy go lucky, taking things as they come. I’m not one of those people. I’m just the opposite.

I worry.

So what does Worry harp on about? The first is my writing ability. I am constantly and continually concerned that my books suck rocks and that I am the world’s lousiest writer. I have sat and bawled over a chapter when it seems the right words just won’t come that day. I have bitten my fingernails to the bloody quick, waiting for to hear if my editor liked or hated the most recent manuscript I’ve just sent his way. I always expect to get the email back saying the book I’ve turned over is fit for nothing but the garbage can. Now that has yet to happen, but Worry is nevertheless sitting on my shoulder, prodding at my insecurities. When NAL made the offer of a three book deal for paranormal romance, Worry was yelling in my ear that I was much too talentless to be making the move to mass market. I almost didn’t sign the contracts. And even though I eventually did, Worry still hasn’t shut up. I am now worried the new books will suck as badly as the ones I wrote for Kensington….

Another thing Worry nags me about is my website. It’s never as cool as I want it to look, never as nice and professionally polished as I think it should be. Worry is always jumping my butt, asking me how I expect to compete when other authors have much nicer sites than mine. This drives me to distraction and I am always looking for the next bell and whistle I can toss on my site, the next template I can throw up for design. Of course, Worry reminds me that I am lacking a major talent to be a web designer and that my Photoshop skills are minimal as best. Oh, yes. And don’t forget that problem with being able to visually match color. I can’t tell you the number of time I have exhausted myself, or the hours I have spent in search of the perfect website. No matter how good I think it looks, Worry always finds something to complain about and pick at.

Worry also nags me about the place I live, the car I drive and the clothes I wear. It all seems so shabby, cheap and pathetic. “Why aren’t you doing better at this point in your life?” Worry asks. “You should have more, be more, do more. Own the world.”

Yeah. I wish. Truth is, none of that is probably going to happen. But that’s okay. Worry lets me know that people like me (losers?) just don’t get a big slice of the pie in this world.

As if that wasn’t enough, Worry also pokes at my weight. Am I getting too damn fat sitting in this chair, pounding out books no one wants to read? “Do you really need another glass of high sugar Limeade?” he shouts. His buddy Hungry steps in to control my hand as I pour yet another serving and gulp it down like welcome poison.

Am I worried? You bet. Twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. But since I can’t get rid of my constant companion, I imagine I’ll continue to weep, wail and gnash my teeth for many years to come.

So what’s your weakness, dear reader, that little dark voice that whispers in your ear? What does it say, and how do you fight it?

My friend Eva just got a subscription to Entertainment Weekly, and she’s passing issues on to me when she finishes with them.  I’ve never really read this magazine before, but it’s kind of nice to know what’s coming up this summer.  I usually find out about series I might’ve liked after the fact and miss out.

Tonight it’s Hung. This has a great hook, but EW just gives it a C+ because some of the jokes are a bit “limp” and the series hasn’t figured out what it wants to be.  Still, I’m intrigued and I’ll watch the first episode.

Then July 7th, Warehouse 13.  It’s sci-fi. Basically, the X-files are real and they’re in this warehouse.  I hope they don’t screw this up because it’s a great premise and I’m looking forward to it.

I think a Torchwood (BBC America) miniseries is coming July 7th, but I didn’t see anything about it in EW.

July 10th, Eureka continues. Humor and sci-fi. What’s not to like?

July 12th, Entourage. Oh yeah!  One of my favorite series is back for a 6th season. Did you watch Brian Williams’ interviews with President Obama a few weeks ago? That’s where I found out that agent Ari Gold (a character on Entourage) is rumored to be based on the brother of Obama’s Chief of Staff. Rham Emmanuel.

August will bring Project Runway and Mad Men, two more favorites.  I’m not really a TV-watcher, so this wealth of interesting shows is overwhelming. The manuscript for my fifth erotic historical romance for Kensington—Dane, The Lords of Satyr–is due September 1st. Good thing I can DVR some of these shows to watch after that!

Are you a True Blood fan?  EW said that its first episode this season had amazing ratings.  I was turned off by the violence in the first two episodes of season one, but I’ve been thinking of trying the series again. I love Sookie Stackhouse.

So what are you looking forward to watching this summer? What are you definitely not going to watch?

Elizabeth Amber
Nicholas | Raine | Lyon | Dominic : The Lords of Satyr series
Coming soon: Dane
erotic historical paranormal romance
Kensington Aphrodisia
www.elizabethamber.com

Are you in love? Have you ever been in love? Said those three little words?

I was driving in my car today and thinking about romance novels from years past. The ones I grew up with. It seemed like every page in the book was driving you toward those three little words: ‘I love you.’ The story wasn’t complete without them. I remember reading one book, and this really stuck out in my mind, where they weren’t there. And it was just such a ‘left hanging’ feeling. There was no closure. There was no guaranteed happily ever after.

But you know, that was a long time ago and romance novels have changed. I’ve changed. For one, I’ve realized, hello…that’s not reality. Generally, you’re not going to meet someone and a week later scream you love them. Yes, I’m sure it happens to some of the lucky ones, but others…maybe not so much. Like me. I guard those three letter words. (I’m single). I’m not just going to say them the first time some guy happens to stir my blood. Because, come on, sex and love are completely different.

I often hear how the woman will say the words first, and that can be such a bad thing if the guy’s not ready (*cough* bullshit!), but really, that’s not how it went with me. I’ve said those three little words twice, and both times the guy said them first. Now granted, one was while he’d been drinking and I’m not sure he really meant it and the other guy said it during orgasm (TMI? Sorry, not really).  And I didn’t immediately follow it up with an, “Oh, yes, my darling, I love you too.” One guy I really thought about it and said it when I was ready. The other kind of slipped out. I meant to say, “Wow, you’re awesome!” type thing and went, “Oh, wow, I love you!” and he took it literally. Whoops. So yeah, I really don’t want to say those words until I’m head over heels.

And in books, I’m okay without them now. As long as I know they’re really heading in that direction. If I’m left with the feeling the guy is going to jump off the love bus for the first girl in a bikini, I’m going to be not so warm and fuzzy with the book. I don’t end every book with an ‘I love you’. Though most of them I do. I’m a bit traditional in that sense…

So how about you? When you said the three words, who did it first? You or your significant other?

Shelli

http://www.shellistevens.com

No, I’m not venturing into the realm of incest, just so you know. I don’t write or condone incest. Okay, so I did have a crush on my first cousin when we were young. We even talked about running off to Mexico to get married until we were about 14. And my great-grandmother didn’t have to change her last name when she got married, but Louisiana is full of Broussards, so that doesn’t really mean anything. Out of the 14 kids my great-grandparents produced, only one was a little odd. (Hey, it’s the South. We’re all a little odd.)

But I have something completely different on my mind today. I’m about to embark on a family trip. My little sister lives in Hungary, and she’s arriving in the States this week with her two daughters. My mother, step-father, and I are driving to Texas to pick her up, then we’re all tooling around Texas where my niece will look at colleges. My husband insists on staying home. I can’t imagine why. (I know what you’re saying. “What does this have to do with erotica?” Hang on, I’m getting there. We Southerners like to sneak up on a topic, not run directly at it. It’s kinda like chasing armadillos.)

Don’t you ever wonder about erotica authors? Like, how did they get started writing erotica? How much of what they write is first-hand knowledge? Do their mothers know what they’re doing?

I can’t answer all of those questions. It’s a little like asking a magician, “How’d you do that?”

But I can tell you that my mother knows exactly what I’m doing. In fact, she’s the first reader for my erotica. Having a retired school teacher in the family is a wonderful thing! The rest of my immediate family knows, too. They have kindly been my biggest supporters. (There are some aunts I haven’t giving book information to. I don’t want to be banned from entering certain Southern towns.)

The most important aspect of family, however, is that soul restoration aspect. Those of us lucky enough to have family members we care deeply about know that it’s important to connect with them now and then. They remind us of who we are. And they tie us to the past, as well as (for me) to the future. My nieces will see things I can only imagine.

The other thing family does is give me the confidence to write whatever I want. My mother was wise enough to leave copies of The Sensuous Woman and Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask lying around where I could find them as a teenager. (If she hadn’t, I might have ended up in some bad situations. We didn’t have cable TV back then.) I’m so thankful that I learned to enjoy life, love, and sex, and that I feel confident enough to write about them. I hope to share some of that joy with my readers.

Now, I must admit, my family didn’t introduce me to vampires. That kind of went the other direction. But they seem to appreciate them (fortunately). Have I told you how I got into vampires? No? It’s kind of a funny story, but I’ll save that for another time.

My family also makes my world feel secure enough to allow my imagination to run wild. I’m quite sure while we’re riding around in an air-conditioned vehicle looking for shade so we can picnic, we’ll be sharing stories and lots of laughs. I know I’ve saved up quite a few stories just for this trip. I have little doubt I’ll end up with ideas for future books.

Oh, and that’s another thing. Family is definitely where I learned to tell stories. I still remember, when I was a child, sitting on my grandmother’s back porch listening to my relatives swap stories. (Granted, they rarely shared erotic stories–when us kids were around, at least.) I would say that’s another Southern thing, but I guess others share stories, too, huh? After all, that’s what writers are — storytellers, and I know there are writers all over the world.

I hope you’ll read this and think about the family member you haven’t connected with in awhile. Maybe you’ll even give him or her a call and swap stories. Won’t that be fun? If you want to, you can send that person a copy of one of my books, as long as they don’t share it with my aunts.

What do you get from spending time with your family?

COMING JUNE 30.

Call me a snob. Call me behind the times. Whatever label you want to put on me, I’ll never get reality TV. The appeal of peeking into the lives of Real Housewives is beyond me, and much to my mother’s disappointment, I don’t share her fascination with Survivor. Heck, I don’t even watch game shows. I do dig Deadliest Catch, Dirtiest Jobs, and Ice Road Truckers, but I consider them actuality, not reality.

So where am I going with this? I confess. I’m addicted to Clean House although I’m getting bored with the formula of each show. I watch, I believe, because I subscribe to the “If it ain’t nailed down, throw it away,” school of housekeeping so am constantly boggled by images of floors and furniture piled high with ‘stuff’. Having too much stuff (and we’re talking about my personal definition of too much) makes me crazy. I can’t see through the clutter, and I certainly can’t lose myself in writing when the stuff starts creeping in. Its much the same feeling I get when those blasted stink ants crawl up the water pipes and swarm over the space under the kitchen sink. KILL!! I mentally scream. Kill!!!!!

Hmm. Maybe that’s what my mindset is when I spirit things out of the house and desposit those things at Goodwill before my dh can stop me. I’m destroying what I have no use for.

And the strange thing is, I feel the same way about my writerly books. I have a small bookshelf that I periodically weed of whatever I haven’t opened for a year or so. I’m talking mostly about research books because I never hold onto the fiction I read for pleasure. That goes to the foster home where my mother lives so the books get passed around to the various residents. And no, I don’t place any erotica in their lined hands because I don’t want to be accussed of corrupting my mother’s generation. That said, the woman who runs the facility has become a fan. What a kick!

Depending on what I’m writing, I’ll have books, magazine articles, Internet printouts, etc for research. At present, I’m working on a story set in Denali Park, Alaska so have a reference guide on the state, another book written by a park ranger who both climbed Denali and assisted in a number of rescues. I have a stack of pages from various Insternet sites on everything from grizzly behavior to various lodges to the ranger staffed medical tent high on the mountain. This stuff is on my desk, on the shelf next to the desk, on the floor, in a desk drawer and I’m perfectly fine with all that. I feel rich, complete, secure because I have everything I believe I need at hand.

But once I’ve finished this proposal, everything will be scooped up and placed in another, out of the way drawer. And when I’m confident that I’ll have no further need for the material, out it goes. I might keep the two books for awhile but that’s all. I’ll feel uncluttered, my space and mind clear and clean and ready to be filled up with what I’ll need for my next project.

Question. Can you relate? Do you need an uncluttered environment? Or does security call for collections, memories, and “I might need this”?
Vonna
www.VonnaHarper.com

Or at least, when it comes to reading sex scenes?

My critique group got into a discussion on this subject (yes, they’d been reading my sex scenes ) and we decided it would make a great topic for an Aphrodisia blog.

What hooks you into a sex scene so deeply that you get turned on yourself? And what throws you out of a scene and maybe even grosses you out?

Of course we all have different taste – when it comes to sex in person, and sex second-hand in the books we read. So today I’d like to hear your pet peeves and your favorite turn-ons.

Let me start out with a few:

• Yes, firefighters turn me on. And so do hot guys. They say women aren’t visual, but I sure am!

• My biggest turn-on is when a sex scene finds the perfect balance of emotion, physical detail, and sensuality, the lovers truly connect with each other, and I can imagine myself as the heroine.

• I get thrown out of the scene if the story’s a contemporary and the issue of protection isn’t dealt with.

• The phrase “male nipples” makes me laugh. If she’s exploring the hero’s chest, what the heck other kind of nipples is he going to have?

• I know there are no “rules” in romance, but doesn’t it seem that the guy almost always has to give the heroine an orgasm either manually or orally (or both!) before they get to have actual intercourse? Isn’t that making sex kind of formulaic?

• It annoys me that every romance heroine seems able to enjoy wonderful orgasms through intercourse, when in fact many real live women are unable to have orgasms through intercourse.

• In one of my love scenes, the hero sucked on the heroine’s toes, and a couple of my critique partners said this was just icky. (Yes, she did have clean feet!) Seems to me, lovers suck on things that are inherently way more icky than clean toes. LOL.

• Does detailed description of male genitalia turn you on or turn you off? I’ve been urged to avoid too much mention of bulging veins .

OK, I’ve shared some of my thoughts. How about you? I’d love to know what turns your crank, and what leaves you cold.

One person who comments on this post will win an autographed copy of the very hot cover from MEN ON FIRE, a firefighter antho from Aphrodisia that’s coming in November (and available for pre-order now).

It’s been a thrilling month for Aphrodisia Authors. First Bonnie got to announce the German sales of her Midnight Confessions books, and now I am getting to announce sale of my Kith & Kynn books to Spain. Since my old editor, Hilary Sares, had left Kensington at the end of February, there was no one to inform me of the sales until my new editor settled in. I was delighted to receive his email letting me know both books had been picked up. What’s more, I got a pleasant surprise to find out the first came out in April 09–bringing my 09 releases up to a total of 6!

An online search revealed the cover of Sins of the Flesh. I absolutely love it, and I can’t wait to see what they do with Sins of the Night!

I’m crossing my fingers more titles sell to foreign countries. I’m absolutely thrilled to be an “internationally” published author.

Some of y’all might already know why. But I love drawing things out. So, I’m a writer already! Oy! And so not Jewish, but I have this voice inside my head that sounds like The Nanny’s mother. (Yes, voices come to visit.)

Just over a week ago, I got this lovely tattoo.

I know my foot looks grubby, but it’s the dye bleeding, and my foot’s swollen. I was in pain, but the tatt looked great. I haven’t taken a new picture for a very good reason. Right now the skin over the tattoo is shedding like snakeskin. I get large pretty flakes of it every time I rub my finger over the flowers and leaves.

I’ve been spending a lot of time looking at my feet. And like the crack addict who is never satisfied, I knew something was still missing from the picture my foot made. So I’ve ordered a toe ring. That’s what the dental floss is for. Ever try to get a tape measure around your little piggy? It’s hard enough at my age to bend that far and wrap dental floss around it and SEE what my pen is marking.

And that’s my excitement for the day. I have a story to wrap up. And a book about to release that I need to start talking up.

Tempted by a Cowboy is due out on June 30th!

If the cover isn’t enough to tell you what’s inside, let me just tell you that there’s plenty of sexy cowboys in tight Wranglers and hot sweaty sex. But hey, you can read an excerpt on my site if you’re still not convinced this is the book for you!

Read an excerpt!

Enjoy!

So I’m looking through the table of contents of FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE SEX: 101 SENSUAL ACTS NOT EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW HOW TO DO. There really are so many things to choose from when writing this blog… pretending to be a virgin, make women think your penis is bigger than it is, make women think your penis is smaller than it is… But then I come to one I can’t ignore, especially when writing for the Aphrodisia website…

It’s item number 54. Make Spanish Fly.

No, it’s not buying many airline tickets for our Castillian friends. It involves bugs. Turns out the Spanish Fly is actually made from a bug. Funny thing about the Spanish Fly (Cantharis vesicatoria). It’s not a fly. It’s a beetle. You can see it here.

The other funny thing about the Spanish Fly–it’s not necessarily from Spain! It lives all over the Mediterranean and even in Russia.

Why is this important, you ask? It’s not like you logged in here today for some weird version of Animal Planet. It’s important for one simple reason. Step 1 of making this famous aphrodisiac is:
1. Catch your beetle. Look for and iridescent emerald green beetle commonly found on olive trees and honeysuckles.

This project is sounding like fun. I mean, forget the part where you actually have to catch bugs, you get to go the Mediterranean! (If you’d rather go to Russia, I am not going to pretend to understand.)

And what is step two, you ask. Nothing too difficult.
2. Kill and dry beetle.
Shouldn’t be much different than killing the spiders in my house. I get my SO to do it, generally. Of course, if I just catch a bunch of beetles and let them free in my home, they might follow the same pattern as the other bugs in my house. They may just find themselves dead and dried up in my windowsills. And I don’t have to be guilty of bugocide. On the plus side, they’re a very pretty green. They match my decor. On the down side, my guests might be put off by this. (Until I give them the finished product!)

And step 3?
3. Grind it in a pestal and mortar until you have a fine powder. It should be a yellowish or olive brown color and bitter to the taste.
Okay, wait a minute here. Going to the Mediterranean was one thing. Tasting dried squashed bugs is another. I know what you’re saying (the crazy ones among you, anyway). You’re saying: Lucinda, do you know how many bugs you’ve eaten in your lifetime? Hundreds. Thousands! What do you think is in red food dye? Squished ants. That’s what. But my answer to you is that eating smashed dried beetles from my windowsill is a different kettle of fish than licking pink frosting off of your… cake. (Did you like how I kept the food metaphor going there?)

But okay. A girl has to suffer for her craft. If I had a shot of tequila before I pulled out ye old mortar and pestle, maybe I could bring myself to take the tiniest tiniest taste of the smashed bug. The people on Survivor eat cockroaches, alive and whole.

Step four is the most difficult of all. In fact, if I’ve had said shot of Jose Cuervo, I don’t know if I could do it.

4. The beetle contains up to 5 percent cantharidin by weight, so you need to use less than 1.2g to avoid giving a fatal dose. If determined to risk poisoning and death, make a tincture by soaking a minuscule amount of powder in alcohol, then dilute this tincture repeatedly to achieve a concentration of around 1 part per million. Take 1 ml of this with plenty of fluids.

Wow. So I need like a scale and things. If I dredge up hazy memories of college chemistry classes, I can almost imagine doing this. Eww. It’s almost worst than imagining that I’m eating bugs. Me and chemistry. Not friends.

So I told my SO that I was going to do this. I told him all the details from the vacation to the Mediterranean to the bug smashing and eating. And he said, “You’re going to do this to make an aphrodisiac?”

“Yes. A Spanish Fly.”

“And you’re going back to chem lab for the final step?”

He gets this delicious crinkle in his forehead when he uses this tone with me. “I think I have to.”

Then he smiles. It’s so focused it’s a little frightening. “Lucinda,” he says. “If you put on that lab coat and those horn rimmed glasses of yours. And you put your hair up in that bun…”

“What?” I pretend I don’t know what he’s talking about.

“That’s all the aphrodisiac I need.”

Now you know why he bought the book for me….

*********
None of my books feature Spanish Flys, but I do write for Kensington’s Aphrodisia line. For those of you who are new to my blogs, I write hot paranormal romances with kickass heroines and heroes who are worthy of them. I also use twisty plots and lots of magic. You can buy any of my eight books at Borders, B&N or Amazon. My ninth SCARLET NIGHTS comes out in November.

If you’d like a chance to win my June release WHAT SHE WANTS, leave a comment. I’ll pick a random winner next Friday.

Best,
Lucinda

Life at the speed of….

My in-laws are here for a few days. Love ‘em dearly, really I do, even if they make me slow waaaaay down to complete ordinary tasks. At the speed of Me, things like meals and errands and normal Real Life Everyday Stuff proceeds at a normal rate (whatever “normal” means!). At the speed of Them, well, patience is a big, big virtue.

And maybe it’s time I entertained a little more virtue, eh?

Ioma turned 85 this weekend and Wilber will be 90 in August. They celebrate their 60th anniversary in September. We fetched them from their retirement apartment in IA, and come time you’re reading this, we’ll be on our way to our nephew’s/their grandson’s graduation in Indy—a FINE celebration! And we’re glad they can go! Pleased to be taking them!

Grandma made Kirk a quilt and matching pillow for his college dorm room. It’ll be unlike anything he receives from anyone else, partly because Grandma HAS the time and was willing to spend her time making it for him. I, as Aunt Charlotte, was pleased to make more than 500 cream cheese mints for his class’s reception dinner. (Now you know how I spent my Memorial Day weekend!)

I, as Aunt Charlotte and the favorite d-i-l, am setting aside my usual writing schedule for all of this. I figure the WIP’s not going anywhere until I get back to it. And I figure that someday, we’ll be really glad we took Time Out for these family occasions…just as I hope my nieces and nephews will still be seen with me when I reach the age of Really Old and Really Slow.

So as you read this, think of us escorting The Parents to these receptions and the ceremony and then getting them to the airport in St. Louis to fly them back to Omaha (security procedures being another animal altogether). And then think of folks in your circle of life who maybe need a little extra time and patience from YOU, and who are probably more grateful for that gift of your time than you know right now.

I fully expect to reach 85 or 90—still writing, if I so choose! And I expect to still be motating under my own power, at my own speed…which will be waaaaay slower than I move now. And I hope, when I get there, Someone I Love will be taking me to family celebrations, and to their home to visit, and maybe overlooking how many other things they could be getting done while they wait for me to catch up to them!

Just a little food for thought as we speed along here, on the superhighway through cyberspace.