June 17th, 2009 | by Susan Lyons |
Or at least, when it comes to reading sex scenes?
My critique group got into a discussion on this subject (yes, they’d been reading my sex scenes
What hooks you into a sex scene so deeply that you get turned on yourself? And what throws you out of a scene and maybe even grosses you out?
Of course we all have different taste – when it comes to sex in person, and sex second-hand in the books we read. So today I’d like to hear your pet peeves and your favorite turn-ons.
Let me start out with a few: 
• Yes, firefighters turn me on. 
And so do hot guys. They say women aren’t visual, but I sure am!
• My biggest turn-on is when a sex scene finds the perfect balance of emotion, physical detail, and sensuality, the lovers truly connect with each other, and I can imagine myself as the heroine.
• I get thrown out of the scene if the story’s a contemporary and the issue of protection isn’t dealt with.
• The phrase “male nipples” makes me laugh. If she’s exploring the hero’s chest, what the heck other kind of nipples is he going to have?
• I know there are no “rules” in romance, but doesn’t it seem that the guy almost always has to give the heroine an orgasm either manually or orally (or both!) before they get to have actual intercourse? Isn’t that making sex kind of formulaic?
• It annoys me that every romance heroine seems able to enjoy wonderful orgasms through intercourse, when in fact many real live women are unable to have orgasms through intercourse.
• In one of my love scenes, the hero sucked on the heroine’s toes, and a couple of my critique partners said this was just icky. (Yes, she did have clean feet!) Seems to me, lovers suck on things that are inherently way more icky than clean toes. LOL.
• Does detailed description of male genitalia turn you on or turn you off? I’ve been urged to avoid too much mention of bulging veins .
OK, I’ve shared some of my thoughts. How about you? I’d love to know what turns your crank, and what leaves you cold.
One person who comments on this post will win an autographed copy of the very hot cover from MEN ON FIRE, a firefighter antho from Aphrodisia that’s coming in November (and available for pre-order now).
I most always write orgasms before sex because that seems like reality to me. LOL. It IS harder for most women to have orgasms directly from sex, but if they do, hey yay! Two in one session! At least!
I have to agree, the toe sucking thing squicks me out. I even had a heroine freak out when she thought the hero was going to do it in Tempting Adam
So let’s see, what turns me off. I don’t know if bulging veins descriptions do, but they don’t get me excited either. I know what a cock looks like. I can fill in the blanks
Turn ons, I love the angry sex. Or the enemies. When it starts out kind of rough or fighting and ends up so hot. I think that’s why I love the capture books and write them sometimes too.
Oh I know. I really don’t like it when first off in a book the heroine is getting done in the backside before they even do it normal style. That’s just crazy and far fetched to me. And certainly not romantic. I know that’s probably just MHO though! LOL.
by Shelli Stevens · June 17th, 2009 at 11:12 amFor me, just about anything can be sexy as long as I feel an emotional connection with the characters. If the writer has made me care what happens to them, they can get away with all kinds of things I might find totally disgusting in real life!
On the other hand, I can always tell when an author is uncomfortable writing a hot sex scene–it shines through loud and clear, and usually ruins the book for me, so it’s not in the details, so much, as the execution.
There are certain settings I’m not comfortable with. Women on the prowl, for one thing, but maybe it’s my age showing. I’ve read a few stories where the women come across as predatory, and whether it was the fact they seemed crass rather than sensual or I just couldn’t make a connection because of my personal baggage, I did not enjoy the stories.
by Kate Douglas · June 17th, 2009 at 11:27 amShelli and Kate, you both make the “maybe it’s just me” point re not liking to read certain kinds of sex. That’s so true, isn’t it? A writer can’t possibly craft a sex scene that’s going to appeal to every single reader because we all have different personal turn-offs. I guess our task as writers is to draw our readers in so deeply and relate to our characters so thoroughly that they “come” along for the ride, as it were. LOL.
by Susan Lyons · June 17th, 2009 at 11:38 amHi Susan,
There’s not a lot that turns me off on the sex scenes, except BDSM. REALLY not into that.
I’m not talking about the occasional tie me up scene, I’m talking about scenes that taken out of context of the story that could appear degrading.
I’ve recently read two books that dealt with this. One was done extremely well, to the point that I liked it, the other was done well but was more extreme, and I hated how the hero treated her. Big turn off for me, even though the heroine supposedly enjoyed herself.
But most of all my biggest turn on is what you describe at the “perfect balance”. I love it when that happens!
Fire men and cops are also a turn on, but so is the regular Joe as long as he is Alpha. I also like detailed decriptions of the way the characters look, feel, taste, smell. Really helps you to draw a visual picture and lose yourself in the story, but not really into the sucking toes thing
Men on Fire cover is HOT, it’s a good thing he is carrying a fire extinguisher because I think I’m gonna need it
by Booklover1335 · June 17th, 2009 at 12:22 pmHi Booklover. I admit, BDSM isn’t my thing either. I can understand it on a rational level but my gut instinct is really negative. I did kind of explore the dominance/submissiveness theme (very, very lightly!) in TOUCH ME. My heroine, Ann, was a workaholic control freak, and hero Adonis taught her that sometimes it could be very enjoyable to let go control, to hand it over to someone else and trust them to take care of you.
by Susan Lyons · June 17th, 2009 at 12:32 pmBDSM can be hot but degradation doesn’t work for me either. Otherwise, I’m with Kate….anything can be hot if the emotion is there! And all men have “junk” so lots of description just makes me laugh heeh!
by Ames · June 17th, 2009 at 2:23 pmI like shower and bath scenes. I like emotion in these scenes, too. I can handle reading light bondage and spanking, but nothing too extreme.
by Jane · June 17th, 2009 at 2:37 pmI second the firefighter–yummy! And cops too!
Can’t think of anythign that squicks me out too much in the love scenes. As long as it’s well done, it works for me.
by Courtney · June 17th, 2009 at 2:45 pmLOL, Ames, re junk
.
Ooh, yes, Jane, I love shower and bath scenes too. I wrote a shower scene in “Hot Down Under” in THE FIREFIGHTER that I had so much fun with.
Courtney, aren’t you lucky that Aphrodisia does firefighter and copy anthologies!
by Susan Lyons · June 17th, 2009 at 2:52 pmI like to read about everything! Thinking about what turns me on… I’d like to read more historical romance novels (not erotic books) that include a scene of a woman giving oral sex to a man. I think I’ve only read a couple of books like this and they’ve surprised me quite nicely
by Maija P. · June 17th, 2009 at 5:47 pmHmm, Maija. I don’t read a lot of historicals myself, but I thought pretty much all kinds of romance were getting hotter. BTW, have you read Delilah Marvelle’s “Mistress of Pleasure”? I don’t remember for sure if it had oral sex, but it was definitely plenty hot for a book that’s not labelled “erotic.”
by Susan Lyons · June 17th, 2009 at 5:55 pmLOL, Susan! Loved your list–I totally agree that firefighters are hot, and I also agree that it definitely takes me out of the story these days when they don’t mention protection. I’m always like, “NO! Don’t tell me they’re setting up a secret baby thing!!!” And uh, too much description (especially when it verges on clinical) overall kinda kills it for me–I understand some of it is mood and setting up for me how hot they are for each other, but after a bit, too many words about creaming, oozing, bulging anything kinda loses its appeal
As for what turns my crank, much of it is the connection between the characters–if I’m feeling the tension and feeling their attraction, I’ll all over it 
Even if the descriptions are a little goofy, I’ll gloss over it if I’m totally buying into their relationship. Sounds a bit silly, I guess 
by Fedora · June 17th, 2009 at 7:42 pmLOL, Fedora. It’s such a fine balance with erotic romance, because there’s supposed to be a high degree of detail, explicitness, etc. – and yet, too much can, as you say, destroy the mood rather than contribute to it.
by Susan Lyons · June 17th, 2009 at 8:08 pmLove the cover! I can’t wait for this one. Love these! I like reading menages, cowboys, firemen, and cops.
by Amy S. · June 17th, 2009 at 8:38 pmI have to admit I’m not really keen on toe sucking either. And anything degrading, regardless of how much the heroine supposedly likes it turns me off so fast you can’t say boo.
What works is light bondage, spanking, and emotional sex where it’s clear that both partners are getting off because they have a connection.
I don’t consider oral/manual before intercourse formulaic, but rather an expression of the guy’s willingness to ensure his partner’s fulfillment. Don’t know too many women who can come from ‘insert tab A into slot B’ alone in real life and after a while it induces a complex when you read about woman after woman who’s multi-orgasmic just as soon as the guy sticks it in.
I don’t see enough mention/attention given to backs, touching, licking, massaging. I know I’m weird because my front isn’t very responsive, but work on my back and voila…
by GrowlyCub · June 17th, 2009 at 8:46 pmThanks, Amy. I can’t wait for the book either!
Oh, Growly, thanks for mentioning backs. There are so many parts of the body that can be erogenous zones.
by Susan Lyons · June 17th, 2009 at 9:08 pmSusan, I had to smile when I read your list.
I agree with Kate. Most everything is sexy and acceptable to me as long as I feel an emotional connection to the characters. And that eventually they will find their happy ending.
Even when it gets a little too kinky, I kind of think, oh well, let’s “go along for the ride” and see where the writer is going with this. But you are soooo right about sex scenes needing that perfect balance of emotion, physical detail, and sensuality. That’s a big turn on.
My biggest turn off is when a sex scene can’t possibly work, in my mind. I mean, I’m a visual person, and I have to follow when clothes come off, where the hands/fingers are, if they are sitting or standing, etc. If the seduction isn’t choreographed to where you can follow I just end up going, huh, how the hell did that happen? I end up saying things like…’wasn’t his right hand on her hip and how did it end up cupping her head’, or ‘wasn’t his head in her thighs, but now he’s saying something in her ear?’ Oh well, he must be an octopus! It just has to flow and make sense. Am I asking too much…
Its a definite turn on when details of male genitalia are made, veins and all. In all fairness, I think there’s more detail written about the heroines body. I think the guy should get equal billing.
by Armenia · June 18th, 2009 at 12:13 amArmenia: Your letter cracked me up. Years ago I read a Harlequin American Romance where the hero took the heroin’s bra off and hung it on the bedpost, then a couple of paragraphs later, he took her bra off AGAIN and hung it on the door knob! I read the rest of that damned book picturing said heroine with an extra set of boobs…
And I agree that the heroes should get equal–or top–billing. Love those guys!
by Kate Douglas · June 18th, 2009 at 12:17 amArmenia said, “wasn’t his head in her thighs, but now he’s saying something in her ear? Oh well, he must be an octopus!’”
Octopus paranormal erotica, anyone? Could have undeniable benefits.
To address Susan’s question, I’d have to say for love scene Turn Ons, my main one is experiencing a masterful, confident hero who knows his way around a woman’s body. Turn Offs, have to say I’m not enraptured by “female gushing of arousal,” especially when it happens in scene after scene. The mental image is funny rather than sexy.
by Christina Crooks · June 18th, 2009 at 1:08 ami like the foreplay and phone sex i think that is sexy
egets my heart rate up
the firefighters is hot
by kh · June 18th, 2009 at 2:18 amso hot cover congrats
Armenia, you had me LOL – and Kate too, with the 4-boobed heroine, and Christina with octopus sex. That’s so true, about the physical description needing to work, and work effortlessly, or you get thrown out of the story and start trying to figure it out. I know when I’m writing, it’s a challenge and I often wish I had a live male model to try things out with
. Did anyone ever watch the TV show “Talk Sex” with a sex educator, Sue Johanson? She had dolls and she’d actually manipulate body parts to illustrate different positions. She was delightful: straightforward and matter-of-fact about every imaginable sexual question. (If anyone’s curious, here’s her website: http://www.talksexwithsue.com/index2.html)
by Susan Lyons · June 18th, 2009 at 9:40 amChristina, I’m with you about the guy who knows his way around a woman’s body! And LOL re the gushing. Once I must have got a little over-enthusiastic in my description because one of my critique partners said, “You mean, like in female ejaculation?” Uh, no. I know it does happen but that wasn’t what I’d intended to describe. Guess what? I revised that scene!
KH, yes, phone sex can be so much fun. Thanks for mentioning it. I used a lot of that (and email sex) in CHAMPAGNE RULES because my lovers had a long-distance relationship. I used it in SHE’S ON TOP too, when he was in New York and she was back home in Vancouver, and he got her to take a very sexy bath. Ooh, it’s a turn-on just remembering.
by Susan Lyons · June 18th, 2009 at 9:43 amAnd the winner of a cover flat of MEN ON FIRE is . . . COURTNEY!!!
Congratulations, Courtney. Email me at susan@susanlyons.ca with your snail-mail and I’ll pop it in the mail.
Thanks to everyone who came and commented. It’s been a great discussion!
by Susan Lyons · June 18th, 2009 at 9:49 amWhat turns me off is when in contemporary novels, they’re well at the point of naked, kissing and feeling each other up, and then the author launches into 3 paragraphs about whether they’re using condoms, birth control pills, etc., before continuing with the sex scene. Kinda kills the mood a bit. Settle that early on BEFORE they start taking their clothes off.
by Jeanne · July 1st, 2009 at 7:08 am