June 27th, 2009 | by Shelli Stevens |
Are you in love? Have you ever been in love? Said those three little words?
I was driving in my car today and thinking about romance novels from years past. The ones I grew up with. It seemed like every page in the book was driving you toward those three little words: ‘I love you.’ The story wasn’t complete without them. I remember reading one book, and this really stuck out in my mind, where they weren’t there. And it was just such a ‘left hanging’ feeling. There was no closure. There was no guaranteed happily ever after.
But you know, that was a long time ago and romance novels have changed. I’ve changed. For one, I’ve realized, hello…that’s not reality. Generally, you’re not going to meet someone and a week later scream you love them. Yes, I’m sure it happens to some of the lucky ones, but others…maybe not so much. Like me. I guard those three letter words. (I’m single). I’m not just going to say them the first time some guy happens to stir my blood. Because, come on, sex and love are completely different.
I often hear how the woman will say the words first, and that can be such a bad thing if the guy’s not ready (*cough* bullshit!), but really, that’s not how it went with me. I’ve said those three little words twice, and both times the guy said them first. Now granted, one was while he’d been drinking and I’m not sure he really meant it 
and the other guy said it during orgasm (TMI? Sorry, not really). And I didn’t immediately follow it up with an, “Oh, yes, my darling, I love you too.” One guy I really thought about it and said it when I was ready. The other kind of slipped out. I meant to say, “Wow, you’re awesome!” type thing and went, “Oh, wow, I love you!” and he took it literally. Whoops. So yeah, I really don’t want to say those words until I’m head over heels.
And in books, I’m okay without them now. As long as I know they’re really heading in that direction. If I’m left with the feeling the guy is going to jump off the love bus for the first girl in a bikini, I’m going to be not so warm and fuzzy with the book. I don’t end every book with an ‘I love you’. Though most of them I do. I’m a bit traditional in that sense…
So how about you? When you said the three words, who did it first? You or your significant other?
Shelli 
I’be been thinking of writing a story where the woman blurts out “I love you” during – um, sex – and the guy gets in a bind about it. You know how guys can be ….
sorta standoffish? Or maybe the guy just didn’t want that level of relationship.
But that brings me to another topic – things blurted out during – the moment – that came back to bite you in the butt later.
Like the wrong guy’s name?
Oops.
by Yvette Davis · June 27th, 2009 at 10:54 amThose were not words I heard growing up, so they were very hard for me to say, and after coming out of a divorce, even harder when I met my spouse (the one I’ve been married to for 37 years now…) though I fell in lust at first sight! I can’t recall now how long we’d been together or which one of us said them first, but I do remember the feeling that yeah, it was right and finally saying “I love you” had power. In my books, I never know when my hero or heroine will finally blurt them out, but it’s an important time of commitment when it happens, and never the same. Some characters drift into love and others have it smack them upside the head, but the actual phrase, verbalizing those important feelings, has got to happen in a powerful moment in the story if it’s going to work for me.
by Kate Douglas · June 27th, 2009 at 11:28 amShelli, you crack me up!
Call me crazy, but those words have never been really that impactful to me. It’s the action behind those words that means more. But perhaps it’s because I did and do hear those three words often.
Growing up, we were always hugging and telling each other ‘I love you’ and meaning it. I hug my friends and say ‘love ya.’ I hug my sisters and brother and tell them I love them. On the phone with my mom, I always end it with ‘I love you.’ Even today when my dad drives me nuts (he’s reverted back to being a dumb teenager who makes bad decisions that baffle the rest of us), I’ll say ‘I love you, Dad’ and mean it. I tell my husband and my kids that every day. I wield those words with abandon.
So when I first said it to a boy (can’t remember if he said it first or not, I think he did), it didn’t seem like that big of a deal. Friends say it to friends, it’s not like I expected he wanted to go out and marry me the next day.
For me, it’s someone’s actions that really count, not the words which are easily spoken. It’s that whole showing, not telling thing, I guess.
Tell me you love me and I’ll say it back. But unload my dishwasher and I’ll love you forever.
By the way, Shelli, have I told you lately that I love you?
XXOOX
by Laurie Thompson · June 27th, 2009 at 12:03 pmLaurie
My husband was the first to say it. I was already head-over-heels in love with him but afraid of his reaction. He’d dated so many women, a couple were gorgeous centerfolds for a very well known men’s magazine. But we had been friends for some years and I thought surely no, I’ll scare his man and send him running for the hills. So when he said it and kissed me, I cried like a baby
And to say the least, I was happy he told me..and have continued to be for fifteen years!
by Anya Howard · June 27th, 2009 at 12:05 pmOh criminy. You expect me to remember 18 years ago? I remember struggling with it at the time because I was always the one who blurted it out first and my previous boyfriend disappeared after I said it. (I’m pretty sure he moved out of state. How’s that for scarring?) But as for who said it first? I dunno.
by Charlotte McClain · June 27th, 2009 at 3:08 pmKate, that makes sense. I didn’t hear it growing up a lot either. My family is very supportive and sweet, but not overtly affectionate.
Laurie, that’s awesome you were raised with such a ‘loving’ experience!
I love you too! LOL.
Anya, wow, that would intimidate me too! He sounds super sweet.
Charlotte, lol, I’m sorry! Sounds like he had issues that went way beyond a girl loving him!
by Shelli Stevens · June 27th, 2009 at 4:33 pmI have to be honest it was very hard for me to say those 3 little words to my now husband. He said them on day 10 of our relationship. Since our first date we have been together, and I do mean EVERYDAY for almost 13 years! I had been burned before and didn’t trust my heart.
by Book Junkie · June 30th, 2009 at 11:21 am