August 21st, 2009 | by Vonna Harper |
Warning, this isn't going to be one of those light and fluffy blogs. I won't be pimping any books (except, maybe, in a backhanded way). Instead, I want to praddle on about something I've been wrestling with for awhile.
Anyone who has gone to my website or read any of my books knows I do a lot of bondage and capture stories. My epublishers Ellora's Press and Loose-Id have a BDSM category and that's where my stories hang out but so far I haven't done what I consider true BDSM. My mind flat out rebels at the notion of writing about the pain element that's part of the 'scene'. I admit I read some pretty dark BDSM stories (Not available at any of my three publishers) but writing that is another story--and not my story, at least so far.
Apologies to those who embrace BDSM and understand that there can be a connection between pain and sexual arousal, but that's not something I want my characters doing to each other. I suppose I could create a hero who uses his expertise as a dom to give his submissive the ultimate in sexual pleasure via pain, but up until now, that character hasn't come knocking and I don't foresee that coming. I have no trouble creating heroes from aggressive or predatory cultures (just finishing one right now) but in the context of those stories, he always realizes that his captive/prisoner/etc is a thinking and feeling human being, something he didn't realize at the beginning. My heroes don't start out thinking they'd like nothing more than take a whip to their helpless victim. Most times, their culture has raised them to be a warrior and a fighter. To them, outsiders are the enemy--until a woman with courage, spirit, an a to-die-for body changes their mind.
What I'm interested in finding out is readers' comfort levels. Are you good with the BDSM lifestyle, at least in your reading, or is capture/bondage more to your liking and do you understand the difference, at least the way I've tried to explain it.
Thanks, Vonna
www.VonnaHarper.com
Hi Vonna,
I recently had an entire week devoted to book that contained BDSM. Before that I kind of stayed away from books that contained it, thinking I just would not be able to connect with the characters.
Some of the books featured were on the lighter side, but there was one that definitely pushed the boundaries of what I am comfortable with. However the story was so well written and the lifestyle was so crucial to the story that I went with it and was glad that I read it in the end. So I guess what I am saying is, if it is gratuitous then I probably wouldn’t like it, but if there was a reason, or depending on how it is explained then I might like it.
by Booklover1335 · August 21st, 2009 at 1:42 pmHi Vonna,
I don’t read it if it involves pain. Not because it makes me uncomfortable, for me there is no connection between pain/sex. And the Dom thing just doesn’t interest me.
I’ve bought and read some good light capture/bondage – always at the recommendation of someone and knowing there was not pain/Dom action. I could read yours from the description you give, but unfortunately, I’d miss it because I don’t go into that category/genre. But I may have to hop over and grab one…
by J. Hali Steele · August 21st, 2009 at 2:52 pmI’m a strange sort.
I don’t mind a modicum of pain in what I read. Honestly, it doesn’t bother me. Leaving whip marks…over the top for me, but pinked butt cheeks or a little bruising…not a problem for me. There is something inherently sensual about pleasure/pain in sex, about power exchange (which is what BDSM is really all about), and about restraint play.
What don’t I deal well with? Lack of respect. Dom or not…well, a Dom friend of mine put it best: “If the sub ain’t happy, ain’t no one happy.” It’s the Dom’s job to design the entire scenario to be pleasing. The Dom knows what he (or she in the case of Domme) wants, and a good one knows what the sub wants and how far the sub can be pushed. Even when being demanding…even when pushing the limits, the Dom should have respect for the sub. My personal line, and we all know it’s in the eye of the beholder.
What else? I don’t want to see blood. You found my line right there. I can’t see drawing blood or leaving scars in sex play as arousing. Just not my thing. Well, beside those sexy vamps and weres, but they are a different species…literally.
Now, do I write to my own limits? In some ways. I’ve never written the paddling or other pain play even to my own limits. The power exchange? Or even capture fiction with non-human instincts that rides the…yes it’s consensual but almost not line? Yep…and sometimes enough to make me squirm. Grinning. But then again, the books come from the characters, and the characters don’t have to match my sensibilities.
Brenna
by Brenna Lyons · August 21st, 2009 at 3:04 pmHi Vonna — I wandered over here from Suz’s loop. I’ve only explored bondage lightly in my work. Like you, I don’t think I could delve into the pain aspect in my writing. I’ll never say never, though, because I once said I’d never write a menage, and I now have two under contract, LOL.
Now, would I read about the pain aspect? Yes, definitely. Leaving the comfort zone is part of why I read. It’s not always pretty, but it’s always interesting.
Very intriguing and thought provoking blog!
by Helen Hardt · August 21st, 2009 at 3:17 pmFirst of all I really like that cover! The rope glows like velvet–very sensual!
I am not into pain at all, but I can understand where some are. The only tale of mine with BDSM is in Eye of the Beholder but it’s not part of the ‘scene’ it’s the culmination of a character’s issues. It’s like a one-time-only thing that resolves several issues. However, not all BDSM involves pain.
I don’t really limit myself when I write–I write what comes to me and what works for my character. If I had someone who really got off on pain, I’d write it, but I wouldn’t write it to fit a market or anything.
Best!
by Anitra Lynn McLeod · August 21st, 2009 at 3:43 pmALM
*Whew* And here I thought I was the only one who didn’t enjoy the idea of putting my heroines into a situation that causes pain. I had enough of that during a long and unhappy marriage, and I see no pleasure in being hurt. A bit of bondage or consensual spanking? Sure. I just can’t get “into” the darker side of that culture. My heroes have got to be considerate and loving, and that means it goes into the bedroom with them.
by Fran Lee · August 21st, 2009 at 5:56 pmThey categorized my first story as “light bdsm” at E.C. I’m not into the whole “sub/dom” terminology/lifestyle or all that extra paraphernalia. I do like a bit of “surprise” bondage and a spanking here and there though–in my stories, I mean–hahaha!
by Lyla Sinclair · August 21st, 2009 at 6:07 pmI definitely like the “light BDSM” instead of the pain stuff. Just not my thing
Minx
by Minx Malone · August 21st, 2009 at 6:12 pmHi, Vonna–
I’m basically with you in that my version of BDSM is really more of the emotional side of Dominance and submission than of the physical. The main goal of my Doms is always to bring the subs pleasure, even if that pleasure only comes from a little bit of pain.
You speak of bondage and capture. My stories classified BDSM have a bit of bondage, mostly playful stuff. I can’t think of any that involve capture since that in itself isn’t something I think of as a turn-on.
I guess you’d say most of my “BDSM” is on the light side, even though the Dom will do almost anything, no matter how extreme it sounds, to bring his partner(s) pleasure.
by Ann Jacobs · August 22nd, 2009 at 8:59 amI have only recently started writing BDSM stories and I have included a little pain. There is a fine line between pleasure and pain and the key is that the Dom is giving pleasure and giving the sub what she needs and wants. I’ve read books that aren’t even considered BDSM where there’s “pain” involved from some spanking. I too draw the line at drawing blood – I’ve toyed with the idea of knife play but haven’t even gone that far.
What would be too far for me, I think, is a whole master/slave lifestyle. I just don’t know if I could portray characters who are into that although I find it fascinating to hear those who are talk about how rewarding and meaningful it is for them. For now I’ll just be including elements of BDSM in my stories.
by Kelly Jamieson · August 22nd, 2009 at 2:12 pmI do write BDSM, but it is light, painless, lots of prep goes into the fulfillment and pleasure is the only goal. I cannot see the point of pain to bring pleasure. Life is hard enough! We seek love and lovers to ease our way through the unavoidable pain, I believe.
by Cerise DeLand · August 23rd, 2009 at 5:06 pmGive me a man who is creative in bed–and affectionate in his creativity!
I never consciously label anything I write and I’m always surprised when I get reviews that classify some of my books as BDSM related, because they aren’t really. Sometimes I’ll query that review and sometimes I get that some elements of what I write cross those boundaries for some people.
by Kate Pearce · August 24th, 2009 at 2:00 pmI’m not really into the pain element of the more extreme practices and I don’t know enough about the lifestyle to write it properly and respectfully, so I write what turns my characters on and leave the labeling to others.
Interesting post Vonna!
I really don’t read any hardcore BDSM. The lighter stuff, like you write, is really as “hardcore” as I like it. I personally don’t see a connection between sexual arousal and pain, but that’s me.
by Casey · August 24th, 2009 at 3:07 pmI once read a comment, “I’m too lazy to be a dom, and too much of a bitch to be a submissive.” That would be me.
If the BDSM is important to the story line and the story is very well written, I might be persuaded to change my mind about reading it.
Interesting post and I love the cover!