December 6th, 2009 | by Bonnie Edwards |
I don’t know why I get ranty at this time of year, but I tend to.
One year I posted about Blue Christmas and how some people just grind their teeth waiting for the holiday to be over. A New Year beckons and they can start fresh, their painful memories of Christmas past behind them for another too-short year.
Like many people, I have elderly folks in my life. They live in a Manor (aka retirement home with nursing staff) and like most of these places, there will be a Christmas party.
There will be a volunteer on a piano or organ. There will be red and green crackers at the tables and festive table centerpieces. There will be a trimmed tree that sparkles with twinkly lights. There will be eggnog and fruitcake.
There will be Santa.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I like Christmas as much as the next person. I took my pup for a picture with Santa this year because the proceeds went to my local SPCA. I smile and laugh at little children in the mall with Santa. I sing carols. I hum along to canned Christmas music in the mall.
I even love The Little Drummer Boy and play it every year. There’s something about giving your best and doing your best that resonates with me. And Porky Pig’s version of Blue Christmas cracks me up every time I hear it.
But Santa in an old age home? Oh, please. He walks in ho-ho-hoing and tossing teddy bears hither and yon. He speaks to these residents as if they’re 3 ½ years old.
Last year was my first experience in this place for this party. I was appalled. But eerily, I think I was alone in that reaction. My dh was fine with Santa patronizing every lady and gentleman in the place.
If these people could smack that elf upside the head they would. If they could run the other way, they would. If they knew what the hell this guy was saying they’d spit in his eye.
It’s undignified to treat people like children when they’ve worked all their lives, raised their own families, then found themselves so infirm that they have to put up with some stranger in a red frigging suit yelling at them and clapping his hands when they try to look past him and scream in silence to be freed.
Just because people are confused about what day it is, or who their loved ones are, doesn’t mean they’ve reverted to childhood. It means they’re confused and/or forgetful… or medicated.
It does not mean it’s okay to clap in their faces and ooh and aahh at them like little children.
The elderly people in my life didn’t much care for the frivolity of Christmas even in their best years. Why force them to put up with it now?
Why can’t there be a lovely meal? Some carols playing? A dignified remembrance of the Christmases that came before? A slideshow from family members perhaps? Old home movies playing from the different families? Warm fuzzies would work for me. I’d be touched and very pleased to walk down memory lane with residents.
End of rant. See you again with a new one next Christmas.
My latest book is now out on the shelves and I’ve blogged all over the net about it for two whole weeks. 
Here now, I guess I should be all rah-rah about it again. So, here goes: Breathless is now available everywhere. Please go buy it and make my Christmas bright. (Just don’t clap in my face or toss me a teddy bear – I’m not old enough for that . . . yet.)
Here’s wishing you the joy of the season, the love and warmth of family and friends and the happiest New Year you can imagine.
Thanks so much to all the Aphrodisia readers who keep coming back to this blog and our site to cheer us on!
And please share your own warm fuzzy Christmas memories. One lucky commenter will win an autographed copy of BREATHLESS to keep you warm all the way through January. Check back in the comments section on the 10th when I announce the winner…maybe two…what the heck, tis the season of joy and generosity.
You made me laugh! Only because my dad was in a ‘manor’ the last year of his life and I watched the same thing happen there. And like you, I thought it could have been handled so different.
He wasn’t much of a Christmas person (neither was I) after my mother died. I buried her Christmas eve morning while my father had a quiet breakdown that in 14 years, he never recovered from. He was 93 when he died. Physically infirm, yes, but mentally? Not on your life! And it infuriated me to see people treat him like a small child. What happened to respect and honor for your elders?
Rant away, my friend. I’m standing right beside you, adding my voice because my in-laws are both 84 now and I’m watching my SIL treat them that way and I want to smack the snot out of her some days…
Make the best of the time you have with them. Try to ignore stupid people, or better yet, poke fun at them when they’ve left, and tell your parents to do the same. It’s the only way I managed. By making light of how idiotic the Santa acted, my dad managed to keep his sense of humor that last Christmas.
Love ya, girl!
by nightsmusic · December 6th, 2009 at 9:35 amCompletely understand the rant and agree with it.
My Dad is not mentally all there, but it would piss me off if someone treated him like that. He deserves respect not being treated like a three year old. Think that’s one of the reason he is still at home with us.
by Delilah · December 6th, 2009 at 1:12 pmI read your post with much dismay that a facility would allow someone to behave so inappropriately. You should make your voice heard and complain to the administration. Santa may very well make a showing at such a venue as the one in which your parents reside but it should be done in far better taste.
by Little Lamb Lost · December 6th, 2009 at 1:43 pmI would be marching to Administration and start talking to everyperson that crossed my path! That is JUST unacceptable! Christmas cheer is one thing but to have Santa almost mocking their states is just not ok. Was it a Family event where the residents invited their grandkids and kids and things like that? I can understand that in a way to make it a fun time for the family and bring people together that way but Just for the residents is a bit much….
by Aurora · December 6th, 2009 at 2:01 pmYou deserve to rant! Just let it out!!!!! Sometimes that is cathartic and it will make all bettter in the end!!! xxoo
Rant away, Bonnie. I’m in agreement. Some of the sharpest minds I’ve encountered are seniors, and so witty you didn’t even know that you were being set down.
I just hope when I get to that stage that the “manor” would have a dignified presentation of Christmas celebration. And then they can bring on the dancing. Yeah, that sounds nice.
Congratulations on BREATHLESS. It sounds wonderful and its on my TBB list.
Seasons Greetings to you and family.
by Armenia · December 6th, 2009 at 2:28 pmIt amazes me how some people cannot think beyond their ownselves. I mean, do they really think that when they are in that position, to be cared for, that they would want to be treated that way? I would assume not!
At the end of my grandfather’s life, in ways he had reverted back to childhood, or so it seemed. Our last Christmas with him, my son (who is now 10) got a dancing Elmo doll for Christmas. My grandpa played and laughed with that doll. That was the most animated I had seen him or would see him be again. That crazy doll still sits on the shelf. Always brings a smile to my face!!
by Amy M · December 6th, 2009 at 4:30 pmI agree with you, Bonnie. My husband’s family owns a nursing home and they bring in children carolers. The residents, for the most part, love it. There was one lady I recall who cried one year to see Santa, so one of the doctors dressed up in the costume just for a special visit to her. And while that was a very sweet gesture, it should not be typical.
Happy Holidays to you!
by Anya Howard · December 6th, 2009 at 6:56 pmSo, okay, after I wrote this rant and before it posted today, I went to this year’s party. Rather than carolers they had a barbershop quartet who sang some really cool versions of Motown songs. It was great!
But still Santa rolled in saying, “Hello KIDS! Ho Ho Ho!” then he pointed out how well everyone was dressed: “Look at your pretty sweater. and Harold’s in a tie.”
Sigh. It wasn’t quite as bad as last year, but then, I was more prepared. (g)
And thanks to everyone: NM (you and I really have to have a drink sometime).
Aurora, Admin brings in their grandchildren– the only children there.
Otherwise, this is a wonderful place, full of caring, kind people…it’s just bizarrely Santa-focused.
But, I’m home from my writer’s retreat and feel great! I’m focused, raring to go on a revision to a proposal I love and all is well.
I so appreciate all the comments. And Anya, how nice to have the doctor dress up for that lady. A kind and sweet gesture…and one she clearly wanted very much.
Please check back on the 10th for my winners’ announcement!
Bonnie
by Bonnie Edwards · December 6th, 2009 at 8:16 pmUnderstand the rant and agree with it.
by Estella · December 6th, 2009 at 9:07 pmBonnie you’ve got me thinking about the direction my own relationship with my mother is heading as she ages. We do seem to switch roles at times, but I still need my mom at others. She’s a kind gentle person and I hope people treat her similarly always. I hope I’m able to defend her as stoutly as you do the elderly people in your life.
by Sue A. · December 7th, 2009 at 2:49 amHi Bonnie! God, I love that cover! I am one of those people who really, really hates Christmas. My mom passed two days before, which is part of it, but it seems something got lost . . . when did it become only about gifts? This year I’ve told everyone NO GIFTS! Do something nice for me, or someone else. Give a coat, a blanket, some of your time to a homeless shelter–that is the best gift they could give me is to give to someone who really, really needs some help. Oh, and FWIW, I think the way the elderly are treated by some people is appalling. What these folks fail to see is that someday, they will be elderly too, and what goes around, comes around.
by Anitra Lynn McLeod · December 7th, 2009 at 1:40 pmBonnie, excellent rant
Get up on that soapbox any time, OK? You rock!
As for Santa, I’m not a huge Santa fan, period. Generally I feel Christmas is too often reduced to Santa/gifts, and it’s really much more than that. I agree that it’d be much more of a blessing for those in a home to enjoy a good meal, and maybe have the chance to enjoy singing and the company of people who want to be there with them, talking and listening.
I do hope that’s what I would have the pleasure of enjoying should I be in that situation in the future!
Congrats on Breathless, Bonnie! Gorgeous cover, and I can’t wait to read what’s inside!
by Fedora · December 7th, 2009 at 4:08 pmI feel lucky to still have my mother with me and this year for Christmas she wants to go play bingo at the casino. I am not a gambler but happily will take her for a day of fun for her.
by JOYE · December 7th, 2009 at 6:15 pmAll of you have a nice holiday season.
It is supposed to rain here in the coming weeks-at last we don’t have to shovel it.
Breathless sounds great!
by Amy S. · December 7th, 2009 at 10:10 pmALM I so hear you about loss at Christmas…and the idea of giving to others who really need it in your name. I hope everyone agrees with you!
Fedora thanks! I don’t often rant, but when I do, I enjoy throwing some zingers.
Joye, enjoy the day with your mom and here’s to winning HUGE!
Sue, life is certainly a journey. I don’t know why we expect it to stay the same, but at this time of year we seem to yearn for our old traditions. Take care of you and yours.
Have a happy happy everyone….I’ll be back to check in again.
Bonnie (off to yoga….)
by Bonnie Edwards · December 8th, 2009 at 12:39 pmSad, but I think children deal with the elderly better than a lot of adults. All the children at the elementary school I worked at made Christmas cards. They lined up and walked about 3 blocks to the nursing home. They passed out their homemade cards and sang carols. All of the children treated those men and women with the respect they deserved.
by Janet H · December 8th, 2009 at 6:36 pmOk, here it is the 10th already (only 14 more sleeps to go).
Time to pick the winner of BREATHLESS!
Joye, you’re the lucky commenter…and I’d like you to email me through my site at http://www.bonnieedwards.com with your snail mail addy.
Maybe I can get this to you before the big day so while your Mom’s enjoying the casino, you can read Breathless. (no grabbing the waiters, though) Oh, heck if you do grab a waiter, keep my name out of it.
Have a merry merry everyone and may the good luck fairy bless you and yours in 2010.
Bonnie
by Bonnie Edwards · December 10th, 2009 at 12:25 pmBonnie;
by Ruth · December 11th, 2009 at 4:16 pmI read your rant & was in total agreement. As kids we would go to nursing homes and some people who were shut in and sing carols for them. They loved it and we felt great doing it. But as I got older I lost more and more of my family and now the holidays remind me of who I’ve lost. To make matters worse a very, very good friend of my died suddenly 11/22(age 23) so this year I really dont care for the holidays.
Congrats & best of luck with Breathless it looks like one very “hot” book.
Ruth, hugs on the loss of your friend. So sad and it’s true that as the years are added so are our losses.
I guess that’s why I get ranty. Christmas isn’t merry every year for everyone.
Some years are better than others.
The good thing is we have a new year coming and maybe it’ll be better.
Here’s hoping! And thanks on the kind words on Breathless. Much appreciated.
(you always brighten my day)
Bonnie
by Bonnie Edwards · December 11th, 2009 at 4:24 pm