Aphrodisia Authors :: Blog

It’s November, which means Thanksgiving is just around the corner. While deleting my inbox of last month’s old messages I noticed some new Release announcements from various authors, and that several of these were for Halloween-oriented titles. Over the years I have noticed publishers, and especially epubs, offer a lot of seasonal titles come holiday times. Not just for Halloween but other holidays, too, though most especially for Easter, July 4th, Valentines Day and Christmas. Strangely, however, there’s not a whole lot of pickings come Thanksgiving. I’m not really sure why this is, but in a way it is kind of sad that this very important American holiday seems so overlooked by the publishing world.

And as I pondered on this, I concluded readers are being sadly neglected. Heck, there’s plenty to Romanticize about when it comes to Thanksgiving. And the creative author, put to the test, could come up with something very delectable to offer the holiday theme tastes of the hungry reader. Here’s are just few book ideas that came to mind (click on image for larger view):

This Romance comes with a sequel-

Whipping Her ‘Tater

For the man who appreciates the experienced Cougar:

And for the non-fiction lovers:

Even for readers of other types of fiction, the possibilities are there.

Horror is always popular, and what better plot idea than some frightful situation we all encountered at some time in our life?

Who doesn’t enjoy a cozy mystery on a chilly November night?

Murder thrillers can be especially appealing for some women:

Cookbooks are especially popular during the holidays. And this one is sure to find a welcoming audience among those looking for novel alternatives to the same-old-same-old boring turkey and dressing fare

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

~Anya

www.anyahoward.com

And added just for Anitra!

I was in the horror section of the book store the other day when two of the employees were restocking a shelf. While they worked they talked, and being close I couldn’t help but overhear part of their conversation. One of the employees was complaining there wasn’t anything “new” in the world of horror fiction, and she was filled up to her eyeballs by vampires, werewolves and demon hunters.

Because I have a horror in the works, I was intrigued by her confession. Then her co-worker went on to say that she liked romance along with her horror but that she felt that sub-genre was pretty overlooked. Then she said something very notable, that she craves something “savagely ghoulish”.

So, being me, I came home and began to think about what these two had said. For an hour or more I pondered it over. I ended up going to bed wondering what kind of marriage of romance and horror these women would hit on like  fresh chocolate cake. Eventually I fell asleep, and regretfully to say, I never did come up with a new storyline in my head. Not one that could really be called a The Omen-meets-The Story of O kind of way anyway.

But I am not giving up! And although I am still musing for that perfect blend of hot romance and eerie horror, I have taken a break to present a few cover ideas for your entertainment.  Just click on the book “covers” for a bigger view.

1408B – The Honeymoon Suite

And you thought haunted rooms were bad? Wait until you receive room service!

‘Bye Night

The long awaited “other perspective” novel by an author who knows that even vampire babies have to their diapers changed.

The Fog (of Paris Hilton)

Ghoulishly real. Terrifyingly predictable. Horribly dysfunctional. And yeah, ripped from the headlines.

The Taxman Always Rings Twice

You can’t hide..you can’t escape..you can’t believe he remembered your house number but forgot to return his own taxes!

Passion of the Delusional

He may still be attractive but he ain’t no love god, that’s for sure.

Wild Crack

Hailed by reviewers as the sexiest edition yet in this bestselling lowered-expectations romance series!

The Whining

The horror that proves you don’t have to be an alcoholic, out of work, writer wannabe just to be a whiny jerk. “Here’s Bil-leeee!”

The Stalker’s Runaway Prey

Just like Michael Myers, Freddy Kruger and the after-taste of a Taco Bell dinner, you just can’t shake this guy!

Have you ever had one of those days when no matter how hard you try, you just can’t think of anything pertinent to blog about? This was one of those days for me.

After a few hours of straining my brain for a topic I decided to check my email. And there, waiting in my inbox like some godsend from heaven above was my topic! Oh yeah, impertinent and irreverent as it was;  beckoning for me with wide open friendly language. An offer just for “working authors, like you Anya Howard” -cough, cough, oh sure-, and sent from some concerned thoughtful soul in Nevada. (I know it was Nevada because the HAVE YOUR NAME REMOVED FROM OUR MAILING LIST BY CLICKING HERE led to some site in Vegas. )  It was the generous first line of the email that tickled my Muse:

“Subscribe to ****Magazine NOW and win a chance for a vacation for two to Disney World!”

The fact that I have no interest in subscribing to this magazine about car maintenance and for the life of me can’t figure out what car maintenance has to do with writing, well that’s all rather superfluous. The important thing is that I got inspired! I got to thinking about magazines that don’t exist but should! Magazines for authors, magazines for book readers, magazines for which reason tells me there already exists a niche of readers who don’t have to be seduced by a chance to ride Space Mountain or meet Mickey Mouse in order to get them to the news stand. So heads up magazine publishers -here’s your chance to come up with something that might actually sell to the authors and readers you so joyfully spam. (Click on magazine covers for larger images!)

Now here’s one I’d read in a heartbeat -if I had time, anyway:

Here’s a magazine sure to appeal to the savvy & sexually snobbish in the reading underworld:

For the pro book snark tired of the same old, same old in bathroom lit:

One for authors who have been there and back again:

For those authors with the firm conviction that originality is way overrated, and a word used mainly by losers anyway:

And because I hate to see anyone overlooked, even those who have gone to a lot of effort of seeming vanishing off the face of the earth…

I’m signing off now, with much thanks to blah, blah magazine for it’s inspiration and with the aim of getting my head back into my novel Good night and good Musing everyone!

Anya

www.anyahoward.com

Like a lot of folks I enjoy reading books about vampires and I’ve watched and enjoyed my share of vampire movies. But when it comes to trying something new in the genre books and movies are two different animals. With books, if you get bored with or just find yourself plain annoyed with the story, you can put that book down and not finish it, guilt free.

Movies, on the other hand, are often not the personal entertainment venue that books are. If I am watching a vampire movie I am, with few excepts, watching with either a group of friends or my husband. If the movie in question turns out to have its Oh dear god no! factors I am not about to just turn off the DVD player or get up and sashay out the theater. That is rude. And, if my husband had just shelled out fifteen bucks as part of a Romantic evening, leaving the cinema and heading toward Hot Topic is simply out of the question. So I suppose the responsibility of keeping me a happy movie-goer  who will be recommending the film and dying to see the sequel lies ultimately with the movie makers. And on the chance there are some movie makers out there reading this post, I will point out now there are a few areas of subject matter the vampire movie in question just MUST NOT HAVE.

Or, in other words, when it comes to vamp movies I got me pet peeves.  And here are the leaders of the pack:

Vampire movies for guys who love movies and hate vampires unless they’re being blown to shreds

I am not a fan of manly action-packed movies to begin with and have no interest in watching films where the hero’s answer to dealing with the vampire problem entails an artillery of high-powered automatic anti-vamp weapons with enough destructive capability to level a major city. To me, these are about as interesting to watch as seeing  Steven Segal clip his toenails.

Your eyes may adore me, but looking at them hurts like hell

While I’m a big fan of old Hammer films, I can never watch Christopher Lee’s red-eyed Dracula without feeling an intense and overpowering need for eye drops. Visine, Drac, it takes the red out!

The your-boyfriend-is-a-total-pussy vampire movie

Now if I was the kind of female movie-goer whose idea of a happy ending is seeing the heroine throw the hero over her shoulder and carry him into the sunset, I might actually like these types. But I’m not, so no thanks here.

It’s so gory you can’t really see what’s happening for all the flying vampire limbs and spewing bodily fluids

This one speaks for itself.. and the reason I always keep bottle of Pepto-Bismol handy on a movie night.

The Kick-Ass heroine who couldn’t hold her own in a cat fight

Sure, she looks hot as hell, she’s adept with every man-made weapon under the sun and her skill in the martial arts would put Jackie Chan to shame. But we females in the audience know that stripped of her weaponry and karate expertise she couldn’t hold her own in a true cat fight if her life -human or vampiric- depended on it. Give me a believable heroine; one who knows how to claw, scratch, bite and snatch off a scalp full of hair before the villain knows what hit him. The kind of woman who can yank out the queen vampire’s earrings and use them as a convenient eye gouger. A lady who can use a high heeled shoe as a heart stake, and with the precision of a professional javelin thrower. Because if movie makers want me to root for her they need to understand that she has to be convincing, and Gadget Gigi with the kung-fu grip just doesn’t cut it.

Too Stupid To Live endings

The film’s makers gave an enthralling plot, a sympathetic and fascinating hero, even a romantic element that was believable and yummy. But then there was… the ending. A resolution so ridiculous it could have been written by a chimp. No, that’s not quite fair. A chimp would have been more creative.

The psychic vampire

Poor Mr. Chiseled-featured vampire, you have resisted the temptation to suck human blood for decades, yet now have met the one woman that draws you like a chiseled-featured moth to a flame.

Just a word to the wise, a relationship with this heroine can’t be properly called an “us” situation. Once you’re in her life you are there to stay. But don’t blame yourself or your unbelievable good looks or even the fact you have the alluring power to make her live forever. Because everyone in her life -friends, family, acquaintances, teachers, even her third cousin once removed- have lost all sense of individuality in order that their every action, feeling, motive and thought can revolve around her and her problems like lowly planets around a bright and glorious celestial body. Yep, she has emotional needs my friend and everyone is there to serve them.  So as long as you remember these three little words -Me, Me, ME- being able to read her thoughts or not doesn’t really make any difference.

And they say vampires suck.

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So, anyone else have pet peeves when it comes to vamp movies? If so, feel free to share!

~Anya

www.anyahoward.com

Book reviews. Being human, I think most authors hold an ambiguous attitude toward reviews; simultaneously looking forward to receiving them, while at the same time dreading to read them. Some years ago I wrote book reviews for an online review site, and eons before that I wrote movie reviews for a small college press. Over the span of time, and while keeping an interested eye on the review techniques of others, I have come to the conclusion that almost all reviews fall into one of five categories: The good review. The bad review. The tepid I-really-don’t-care-either-way review. The glowing I-just-so-loved-this! review. The scathing, I-can’t-believe-this-was-allowed-to-see-the-light-of-day review. There are exceptions, of course, but for the main this is the trend.

A few weeks ago I came across an online article that surprised me. The gist of the item spoke of the fact that of the thousands of reviews posted on the internet every week, the big percentage of these are written for books. And more interesting, the majority of all these book reviews are for Romance books. This information got me thinking:  if suddenly these online reviewers found, for whatever reason, they were no longer able to post reviews, what would they do with their time? And more importantly, what would reviewers of Romance books do with their time? And I arrived at the conclusion they’d review other things!

Now in a proposed world where internet users are deprived of the opportunity to critique or even comment on books and thus forced to turn their attention to other products, the question arises -would they review in the same manner as they once reviewed books? I hazard to guess yes, they probably would. Imagine now a product -a purely fictional product, but one with widely held appeal to the general consumer populace. And bearing in mind those five typical category of reviews, along with the common review methods found at Romance-oriented sites presently in existence,  I think the end results we see might be a little like this-

Presenting: Online reviews for

Tofley Brands’ BERLIN FRAULEIN HOT COCOA WITH MARSHMALLOWS

Reviews from average former book retailer customers:

Customer review 1.  “Tofley does it again with this bold and HOT, HOT, HOT creamy rich sensation! Can’t wait until the release of the next exciting addition in this delicious line!!”

Customer review 2.  “Although this cocoa isn’t one I’d necessarily try again, it was satisfactory for my needs at the time  and lived up to its claims of chocolate with marshmallows.”

Customer review 3.  “Can we say DISAPPOINTING?? While the quasi-chocolate flavor and sprinkling of dried milk does, I guess,  qualify this product as a cocoa -and indeed there were marshmallows galore- this company missed the mark completely on a full-bodied delivery. The errors with this product are almost too long to list -powdery texture, chalky background, frivolous aroma and did I mention MARSHMALLOWS GALORE?  I like a cocoa that is memorable for substance and has a character I can identify with. And all those perversely abundant marshmallows just ruined it for me. This product was a waste of my time and money (maybe I should  sell the unused packets on Ebay??). Next time I’ll just stick with my tried-n-true Dora Roberts’ Rich & Steamy Cocoa.”

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From an Ebay seller

Description: ELEVEN NEVER BEFORE USED PACKETS OF BERLIN FRAULEIN HOT COCOA WON IN GIVEAWAY, STILL IN BOX AUTOGRAPHED BY PRODUCT CREATOR!   HOT DELICIOUS EXOTIC EXCURSION INTO SINFULLY CREAMY CHOCOLATE AND MARSHMALLOW DELIGHT YOU’LL NEVER FORGET!

BIDDING BEGINS AT $100.00!

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A snippet from a reviewer who receives way too many free sample products to ever provide a convincing critique of anything:

“Tofley has brought together rich cocoa and sweet marshmallows to make a power couple. I fell in love with cocoa’s kick-ass attitude and impressed by marshmallow’s consistently lumpy performance.  Sultry flavor and sticky residue overflow the brim in this gritty beverage of riveting proportions. Another outstanding product from the mediocre makers of something I tried last week but can’t recall the name of.  Rating: Four Stars”

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Random posts by persons with nothing better to do than anonymously hit the Post Your Review Free! sites

Random post 1. This cocoa is delicious, tempting and HOT.  Make sure to keep a fan handy – you’ll need it to cool off!”

Random post 2. “This cocoa is so lame. I’d rate it accordingly but there’s no option button for SUCKS ASS”.

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Snippets from two separate reviews published by the Beverage Times of America:

BT Reviewer 1.” …Cocoa makes for a sensible and modernly likable lead ingredient. But once Marshmallow entered the scene with its strong yet buoyant presence, the chemistry was pure kismet! I was swept away by the powerful conflicts that vied to separate them, and convinced by mutually intimate attraction for one another.  The minor nutritive ingredients were also engaging, and their presence helped to bring the entire experience to a very satisfying conclusion. I definitely recommend Berlin Fraulein to the connoisseur of exotic drinks, and wait anxiously for this company’s next stimulating beverage!  Rating: 5 Mugs”

BT Reviewer 2. ” ..while the experience did have its moments, I wasn’t impressed by the overall relationship between Cocoa and Marshmallow. In a day and age when liberated female consumers look for their Cocoas to be strong and independent, I found this one just too submissive to the domineering presence of Marshmallow. The minor ingredients were too numerous and unsavory to be anything but a distraction. The heat level aside, this reviewer found Berlin Fraulein a convoluted drink primarily geared toward beverage consumers who have a bent for deviant, uninhibited ambiance.  Rating: 1 Mug”

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Review posted by someone the product creator embarrassingly suspects is an overly helpful relative:

“Exiting! That’s the first word that comes to mind when describing this smooth, poignantly brilliant beverage! Dark, alluring chocolate and yummy,  white marshmallows pair up in an unforgettably brilliant mixed beverage that left me thrilled and primed for a second cupful!!! Mmm  mmmm, good stuff! XXXXXOOOOOO”

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Snippet from review written by an online Penthouse customer and former contributor:

“While relaxing one sultry night in my boudoir I ventured to indulge my palate with a cup of  Berlin Fraulein Hot Cocoa With Marshmallows. As I tore open the slender packet, the tempting fragrance of powdered sugar and finely ground chocolate billowed teasingly into my nostrils in a drift of silky swirls. I found the sensation tempting, without the raunchy ambiance usually found in cocoa sold at my favorite flea markets. Irinia, my gorgeous Russian housekeeper carried in a bottle of boiled which she now offered me, along with a wink and flicker of tongue across her succulent lips.  I poured the water and stirred the mixture until it was frothy and steamy. As I lifted the cup to my desiring lips I was suddenly reminded of the time I bumped into a certain former Vice President -Mr. G- at a party held at the Playboy Mansion. It had been a quietly stimulating  evening, all the more memorable for a visitation by the Swedish Bikini Ski team. Mr. G looked distraught, however, and after he had finished his seventh high-ball I asked him what was troubling him. He said he needed advice and asked if I could help. At my nod he began to tell me about an embarrassing situation involving a lovely masseuse of our mutual acquaintance. Now this young woman was shy but becoming, with the adept hands of a farm-fresh milk maid and the bewitching mouth of a Korean male prostitute. But Mr. G said she had come into possession of a pair of trousers he desperately needed back…”

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Excerpted from a review posted by Dear Beverage Maker, the sometimes-controversial, always tell-it-like-we-think-it-should-be beverage review site:

“Dear Beverage Maker,

first let me thank you for submitting for review your cocoa and marshmallow confection, Berlin Fraulein Cocoa With Marshmallows. It was an exciting opportunity to sample a new product from the renowned maker of such tantalizing products as The Sheik’s Naughty Amaretto Candies and The Gladiator’s Long Lasting Energy Bar, not to mention one of my favorites- the unforgettably tongue teasing Viking Warrior Chocolate Covered Swivel Sticks.

Having said this, it is with regret I must inform you that I found your new beverage lacks everything your preceding products won my heart with.  Sigh. To begin – that fluffy but eye-enticing  picture on the product cover was nothing like the hardcore crap I discovered waiting in the dark recesses of the packet. Upon peeling open the packet I was immediately assaulted by a plume of powdery rubbish that could have sent a less experienced reviewer screaming. The marshmallows -which dominated everything else in the packet- weren’t just generic, they possessed none of the ballsy quality I expect from a white substance that regularly goes into my mouth. Then there was the limpid excuse for chocolate.  I don’t know who you were thinking of marketing this to, but I for one have never been a fan of annoyingly insubstantial flakes. And talk about sweet beyond belief? Oh Jesus, I  might as well have been drinking liquid saccharin!  Now, let’s talk about that circus of dysfunctional supporting minor ingredients you -for whatever irrational reason- deigned to unload on the unsuspecting buyer…”

Writer Dreams. I think all authors have the good ones, the fantasies of obtaining those material tokens of success that come from working tirelessly to better our lives: The major bestseller that brings us that first cool million. The interview with Larry King. The beautiful, old and decadently huge mansion. An invitation to appear on Dancing With The Stars. Booking Elton John to play at a birthday party.  The new car. Enough cash to afford a visit to the dentist’s office that involves having something actually fixed as opposed to just getting an antibiotic. Enough cash to square the next mortgage payment and to pay the electricity bill. Money for food.

Then there’s those other dreams that come while we sleep. The real dreams and nightmares. There are the sweet and sometimes erotic ones that leave us humming happily all the next day. And inevitably, the ones that  haunt our nocturnal wanderings and jolt us -cold and sweating ice bullets- out of a good night’s rest. I’m not sure if writers share the same real dreams, but I suspect we share similar underlying hopes and fears. I’ve also found that the themes and images of my own dreams tend to play out time and again.

Listed below are my Top 10 reoccurring writer dreams. The non-author may find them sexy or funny, sometimes downright psychologically telling and in part or totally, pitiful. But I’m willing bet there will be some authors reading this who will find something familiar in at least in a couple of them.

10. I go to prison for tax evasion

After years of laboring for recognition I finally achieve my heart’s desire as a writer. But suddenly the Feds show up to haul my butt to jail. Why? Because I trusted this financial genius to do my tax returns.

9. I am back in high school

and once again am a 90 lb. wall-flower mouse trying to get my locker open. I can’t remember the locker combination and know I’m going to be really late for class when suddenly I am surrounded by a group of cheerleaders pelting me with hundreds of Lee Press-On Nails. When I tell them I am a published author the scene turns into a trailer park. Here, I am the less-mousy woman I am today, and have changed into an expensive dress bought to celebrate the release of my latest book! But suddenly I am surrounded by a group of very portly women in shiny stretch pants, who pelt me with the teeth snapped off while opening bottles of beer with their mouths. Needless to say, I never make it out of the trailer park.

8. I’m cleaning the toilet

and know I have an editing deadline to meet. Despite my efforts, the bowl just gets dirtier and dirtier and then I hear the kids fighting, the cats knocking over stuff on the fire place mantle and visitors knocking at both the front and back door of the house. I end up knowing the day’s editing is a lost cause.

7.  My stalker

unfortunately, this nightmare is inspired by the real stalker I had a few years back. Not a pleasant situation and I hope the guy is rotting in prison somewhere and not bringing bad dreams to anyone else.

6. My dream agent

appears as the character of cunning, success-driven and utterly diabolical agent Bebe Glazer from television’s “Frasier”.  Bebe offers me the world on a platter if I’ll just sign with her. But every time I try to put my John Hancock to the contract the pen runs out of ink. By the time I wake up I’ve gone through at least a dozen Scriptos.

5. The “Ass Judge” from Pink Floyd’s The Wall

I’m on trial for failure to get a single book on the NY Times Bestseller List. The Judge isn’t too happy and decides to use my helpless, poppet body in a lively game of kick-the-can.

4. Just typing

this is a pleasant dream. In these my Muse is having a wonderful and fertile day. I’m typing away, paragraph after paragraph, and feeling great about how the storyline is coming.  I’m usually eating some kind of chocolate, too.

3. Something erotic this way comes

My favorite reoccurring dream here. Hubby and I are on a romantic excursion to some exotic locale, paid for entirely by my latest royalty check.

2. House hunting with Stephen King

in these Mr. King appears as a real estate agent, showing me homes in a prestigious woody subdivision. Unfortunately I know I’m not rich enough to make the down payment on one of the nicer homes and have to settle for purchasing an ancient monstrosity that’s on the verge of being condemned. The good part of these dreams is that despite ending up living in a dump I’m there surrounded by my family and know I’m very rich in love!

1. Vampires and the notebook

I am surrounded by vampires (typically Anne Rice-esque vampires – but once in awhile less-savvy type vampires like Grandpa here) who are fighting me for possession of a notebook. The notebook contains the first draft of a manuscript that I know will bring me  real success. The vampires swarm at me, sometimes even flying; biting my flesh and clawing my hair. But in the end the vampires fail to take that notebook away from my puny hands. Enter now Anne Rice, dressed in a scarlet velvet dress and brandishing a huge-ass crucifix. She says something to the effect of either “Off with her head!” or “Die, infidel pagan, die!” Next she turns into a withered, hideous hag and demands the vampires to attack me. They turn into flying monkeys, but with the notebook I begin whacking them one by one out of the air. They hurl to the ground,  hurt and too stunned to move, and now I turn away and walk through a door. I enter a field awash with sunlight and miles and miles of flowers. My husband meets me here, we make love and then together walk away into the sunset. As we go I can hear Anne Rice shouting at her vampire hoard in the background. She vows they’ll get “no chocolate” until they  either kill me..or bring her the head of Lora Leigh on a platter. I usually wake up from these dreams feeling pretty darned good, though I confess, I do sometimes have leftover concerns for poor Ms. Leigh.

There you have it and analyze as you will. But I wish all of you happy dreams and the fulfillment of your heart’s desires  ~Anya

www.anyahoward.com

The other day I was  talking with a neighbor at the park. We had been on nodding acquaintance for some time, knowing each other as my son often plays with her nephew.  But on this day we got into a lengthy conversation. I found out she is a retired cafeteria worker and widow who enjoys embroidery and watching the soaps. Very friendly woman in general. And then she asked what I do. When I told her I write Romance she gave a big smile and asked about my books.

It was a very nice conversation. But before she left she said -and yes, very sweetly-  “You don’t look anything like what I imagined a Romance writer looks like.”

Now, if this had been the first time I had heard this I probably wouldn’t have given it another thought. But this is the third or fourth time now. And it amuses me to wonder what kind of pre-conceived mental image people have when it comes to Romance authors. What are we supposed to look like? The possibilities are intriguing..

Maybe its a babe dripping in the trappings of her success?

Or perhaps the brainy woman, myopically driven to pen those Romantic fantasies, which if pursued in real life would, unfortunately, interfere with her RuneScape time?

Could it be the fun-loving kind of gal, who surrounds herself constantly by the works of art that inspire her?

On the other hand, when we consider how public perception is often colored by Hollywood imagery, maybe I”m supposed to be immersed by a fascinating mystique I couldn’t shake off with a leaf blower or keg of TNT.  You know, something like this illustrious writer..

I fear I will have to disappoint readers. I’m just an ordinary woman who doesn’t do high tea, has never met a Chippendale and the only Blackberry I own is a jar of Smuckers sitting in the fridge between the ketchup and ranch dressing. But wondering what image I’m supposed to live up to is interesting, and just for fun I’d love to hear feedback from readers: Have you ever had a mental image of what a Romance author is supposed to look like? And if so, what was it?

Thanks much and until next time, happy reading!

~Anya Howard

Some days writing Romance comes easy.  Some days when the words just seem to overflow from my Muse’s Well of Inspiration. These days usually come when the kids are at school or the nights they’re spending over at friends. And inspiration usually favors me after my wonderful hubby and I have had a chance to spend some quality “loving time”.

But then there are those other days. Days when the everyday acts involved with living get in the way of feeling romantically inspired. And on these days, even when I find a quiet hour or so to write, it can be difficult to switch gears from the mindset of Mommy/Homemaker over to Erotic Romance Author.  The days when the most amorous thing I hear all day is my husband’s sexy voice as he lays down the ultimatum,  “If you kids don’t stop fighting right now I swear to god I will turn off the Spongebob and you will sit there and listen while I tell you every explicit detail about  the night you were conceived!”

There have been some days when I’m on a real writing streak but then Reality decides to throw a monkey wrench into my creative juices.  Sometimes it is so pronounced that I can tell my writing is being unintentionally and insidiously influenced by genre styles not ordinarily associated with Romance:

...Oh, the luscious places we’ll go, the erotic heights we will see, when I undress you and you undress me!

…so you do not like green condom on Ma’am, but its all our pharmacy sells, Stud-I-Am

Other times, I have found myself in the midst of a steamy, yummy passage when suddenly the scene take a dive toward an unforeseen situation:

His lean, tanned biceps glistened with sweat as his strong hands touched her small box. With a flick of a finger he stroked her waiting bulb. It was smooth to his touch, ready for ignition only his virile ministrations could provide. As he mounted the chair and reached for the portal he noticed an impression skimming the small surface. The intense expression that came over his face sent a shudder of apprehension up her spine.

“Oh, hell this is a 40 Watt. This fixture takes a damned 75!”

And then there’s the frustrating times I simply can’t get the Hannah Montana or Rug Rats themes out of my head. I typically walk away from the computer when this happens; turn on the radio and listen to the local Metal station until the nausea subsides and my brain has been Exorcized.

But in the end, its all good. I adore my family and wouldn’t trade my life for anything (nope, not even a NY Times Bestseller!). I am also happy to report that this week I have managed to get in a couple of thousand words in on a new novel! So, to share my happiness I want to give away a book. If you are a resident of the continental USA and leave a comment here you will be in the running for a giveaway choice from amongst my Kensington published books. The winning commenter will be chosen by random by the end of the day (11:00 PM EST).  I regret I can’t extend the chance to blog readers from other countries, but my budget is pretty tight right now.

~Anya

www.anyahoward.com